0 00:00:00 --> 00:00:26 1 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,182 Whoa, there! 2 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:37,319 Halt! 3 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,197 Who goes there? 4 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:44,623 It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. 5 00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:47,879 King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons 6 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,711 Sovereign of all England! 7 00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,635 Pull the other one. 8 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:57,010 I am, and this is my trusty servant, Patsy. 9 00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:00,884 We have ridden the length of the land in search of knights 10 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:05,894 who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master. 11 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,859 -What? Ridden on a horse? -Yes. 12 00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,232 -You’re using coconuts! -What? 13 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:15,236 You’ve got two empty halves of coconut, and you’re banging them together. 14 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:19,240 So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land. 15 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:23,331 -Through the Kingdom of Mercia. -Where did you get the coconuts? 16 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:24,623 We found them. 17 00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:27,919 Found them? In Mercia? The coconut is tropical. 18 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:31,089 -What do you mean? -Well, this is a temperate zone. 19 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:34,839 The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin or the plover 20 00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:39,264 may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land. 21 00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:45,184 -Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? -Not at all. They could be carried. 22 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:49,984 -What? A swallow carrying a coconut? -It could grip it by the husk. 23 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:55,280 It’s not a question of where he grips it! It’s a simple question of weight ratio. I 24 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:59,948 A five-ounce bird could not carry a one-pound coconut. 25 00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:04,953 It doesn’t matter. Go tell your master that Arthur from Camelot is here. 26 00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:09,578 In order to maintain air-speed velocity, 27 00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:14,462 a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right? 28 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,460 Please! -Am I right? 29 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:21,549 -I'm not interested. -It could be carried by an African swallow. 30 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:26,891 Oh, yes! An African swallow, maybe. Not a European swallow. That’s my point. 31 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,222 I agree with that. 32 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:32,651 Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot? 33 00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:36,697 But then, of course, African swallows are non-migratory. 34 00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:39,991 Oh, yes. They couIdnt bring a coconut, anyway. 35 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:44,245 Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together? 36 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:49,535 -No, they’d have to have it on a line. -Simple. They’d use a strand of creeper. 37 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:53,380 -Held under the dorsal guiding feathers? Why not? 38 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,837 Bring out your dead! 39 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:29,824 Ninepence. 40 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,809 -Bring out your dead. -Here's one. 41 00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,147 Ninepence. 42 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:54,816 -I’m not dead! -What? 43 00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:57,565 -Nothing. Here’s your ninepence. -I’m not dead! 44 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,897 -He says he’s not dead. -Yes, he is. 45 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,482 not! -He isn’t? 46 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:04,158 -He will be soon. He’s very ill. -I’m getting better! 47 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,986 You’ll be stone dead in a moment 48 00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:08,743 I can’t take him like that. It’s against regulations. 49 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:12,167 -I don’t want to go on the cart. -Don’t be such a baby. 50 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,415 -I can’t take him. -l feel fine. 51 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,542 -Well, do us a favor. I can’t. 52 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,249 Can you hang around a few minutes? He won’t be long. 53 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,051 Got to go to the Robinsons. They’ve lost nine today. 54 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,925 -When’s your next round? -Thursday. 55 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:27,759 -l think I’ll go for a walk. -You’re not fooling anyone, you know. 56 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:32,813 -Isn’t there something you can do? -I feel happy. 57 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:37,150 -Thanks very much. -Not at all. See you on Thursday. 58 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,317 Right. 59 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:45,196 -Who’s that, then? -I don’t know. Must be a king. 60 00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:48,077 -Why? -He hasn’t got shit all over him. 61 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,595 -Old woman! -Man! 62 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:17,479 Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there? 63 00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:19,852 -I’m 37. -What? 64 00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:23,989 -I’m 37. I’m not old. -I can’t just call you “man.” 65 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:27,068 -You could say “Dennis.” -I didn’t know you were called Dennis. 66 00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,823 You didn’t bother to find out. 67 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,655 I did say sorry about the “old woman,’ but from behind... 68 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,992 What I object to is that you treat me like an inferior. 69 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,995 -Well, I am king. -King? Very nice 70 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,422 How did you get that? By exploiting the workers! 71 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:45,256 By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates 72 00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:48,339 the economic and social differences in our societyl 73 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:52,927 -If there’s ever going to be any progress. -There’s some lovely filth down here. 74 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,185 How do you do? 75 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:58,265 How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. 76 00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:00,771 -Whose castle is that? -King of the who? 77 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,023 -The Britons. -Who are the Britons? 78 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,273 We all are. We’re all Britons. And l am your king. 79 00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:10,197 Didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective. 80 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:13,120 You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship. 81 00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:16,291 A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class... 82 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,869 There you go. Bringing class into it again 83 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:23,458 -That’s what it’s all about. If only people... -Please, good people. I am in haste. 84 00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:25,750 Who lives in that castle? 85 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,424 -No one lives there -Who is your lord? 86 00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,471 -We don’t have a lord. -What? 87 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:33,721 I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. 88 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:37,308 We take turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. 89 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,981 Yes. -But all the decisions of that officer 90 00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:43,060 -are ratified at a biweekly meeting. -Yes, I see. 91 00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:46,484 -By a majority in the case of internal affairs. -Be quietl 92 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:50,989 -By a two-thirds majority in the case of. -Be quietr I order you to be quiet. 93 00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,495 “Order.” Who does he think he is’ 94 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:56,198 -I am your king! -I didn’t vote for you. 95 00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:59,751 -You don’t vote for kings. -How did you become king then? 96 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:05,132 The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, 97 00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:08,502 held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, 98 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:14,012 signifying, by divine providence, that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. 99 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,009 That is why I’m your king! 100 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:20,598 Listen. Strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords, is no basis 101 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:24,022 for a system of government. Supreme executive power 102 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:28,697 derives from a mandate from the masses. Not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. 103 00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:29,863 Be quiet! 104 00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:33,034 You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power 105 00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:35,703 ‘cause some watery tart threw a sword at you. 106 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:39,032 -Shut up! -If I went around saying I was an emperor 107 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:43,416 because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away! 108 00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:47,624 -Will you shut up? -See the violence inherent in the system. 109 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:51,385 -Shut up! -See the violence inherent in the system! 110 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,548 -Help, I’m being repressed! -Bloody peasant! 111 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,054 What a giveaway. Did you hear that? 112 00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:00,228 That’s what Im on about. Did you see him repressing me? 113 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:40,074 You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight. 114 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,412 I am Arthur, King of the Britons. 115 00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:54,252 I seek the finest and bravest knights in the land to join me in Camelot. 116 00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:03,059 You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me? 117 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,776 You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy. 118 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,774 None shall pass. 119 00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:16,239 -What? -None shall pass. 120 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:20,653 I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge. 121 00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,954 Then you shall die. 122 00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:27,792 I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside. 123 00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:31,671 I move for no man. 124 00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:34,673 So be it! 125 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,495 Now, stand aside, worthy adversary. 126 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,789 -‘Tis but a scratch. -‘'A scratch”? Your arms off. 127 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,284 -No, it isn’t. -Well, what’s that, then? 128 00:15:10,368 --> 00:15:11,836 -I’ve had worse. -You liar. 129 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,538 Come on, you pansy! 130 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,964 Victory is mine. 131 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,972 We thank thee, Lord, that in thy.. 132 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,854 -Come on, then. -What? 133 00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:31,396 Have at you. 134 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,568 You are brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine. 135 00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,236 Had enough, eh? 136 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,815 Look, you stupid bastard. You’ve got no arms left. 137 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,366 -Yes, I have. -Look! 138 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,277 Just a flesh wound. 139 00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,784 -Look, stop that. -Chicken! 140 00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,367 Ill have your leg. Right! 141 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,580 -Right! Ill do you for that. -You’ll what? 142 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:58,587 -Come here. -What are you going to do? Bleed on me? 143 00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:01,419 -I am invincible! -You’re a loony. 144 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:05,845 The Black Knight always triumphs. Have at you! 145 00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,135 Come on, then. 146 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,483 All right, we’ll call it a draw. 147 00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:18,815 -Come, Patsy. -Oh, I see. 148 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:22,899 Running away? You yellow bastard! 149 00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:27,370 Come back here and take what’s coming to you! I’ll bite your legs off! 150 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:34,878 Pie Jesu Domine 151 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:39,875 Dona els requiem 152 00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:46,176 Pie Jesu Domine 153 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:52,770 Dona els requiem 154 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,947 -A witch! -We found a witch. 155 00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:11,284 -We got a witch! -We found a witch. 156 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,584 We’ve got a witch. 157 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,996 Burn her! 158 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:31,263 -We have found a witch. May we burn her? -Burn her! 159 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:36,022 -How do you know she is a witch? -She looks like one. 160 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,525 Bring her forward. 161 00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:44,735 -I am not a witch. -But you are dressed as one. 162 00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:47,905 -They dressed me up like this. -We didn’t! 163 00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:50,578 And this isn’t my nose. It’s a false one. 164 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,368 -Well? -Well, we did do the nose. 165 00:17:57,201 --> 00:18:00,080 -The nose? -And the hat. But she is a witch. 166 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:03,378 Burn her! 167 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:08,429 -Did you dress her up like this? -No. Yes. 168 00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:12,092 Yes, a bit. She has got a wart. 169 00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:17,639 -What makes you think she is a witch? -Well, she turned me into a newt. 170 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,224 A newt? 171 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,772 I got better. 172 00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:28,696 -Burn her anyway. -Burn her! 173 00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:37,284 Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch. 174 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:41,413 -Are there? What are they? Tell us. -Do they hurt? 175 00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:44,795 Tell me, what do you do with witches? 176 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,335 Burn them! 177 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:52,174 -What do you burn apart from witches? -More witches1 178 00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:57,011 -Wood. -So, why do witches burn? 179 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,030 -‘Cause they’re made of wood? -Good. 180 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:16,580 So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood? 181 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:22,420 -Build a bridge out of her. -Can you not also make bridges of stone? 182 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:24,710 Oh, yeah. 183 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,209 Does wood sink in water? 184 00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:31,011 -No. -It floats. 185 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,805 Throw her into the pond! 186 00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,936 -What also floats in water? -Bad. 187 00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:41,847 -Apples. -Very small rocks. 188 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,980 -Cider. Cherries. -Gravy. Mud. 189 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,236 -Churches. -Lead. 190 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:48,483 A duck! 191 00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:51,903 Exactly. 192 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,361 So, logically... 193 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,488 If she 194 00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,662 weighs the same as a duck... 195 00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,712 Shes made of wood. 196 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,255 And, therefore... 197 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:09,925 -A witch! -A witch! 198 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,849 We shall use my largest scales 199 00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:40,706 Right. Remove the supports! 200 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,087 -A witch! -A witch! 201 00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:49,795 -It’s a fair cop. -Burn her! 202 00:20:57,882 --> 00:21:01,056 Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science? 203 00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:04,518 -I am Arthur, King of the Britons. -My liege. 204 00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:10,862 Good Sir Knight, will you come to Camelot, and join us at the Round Table? 205 00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,531 My liege, I would be honored. 206 00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:16,742 -What is your name? -Bedevere, my liege. 207 00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:19,912 Then I dub you Sir Bedevere, 208 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,703 knight of the Round Table. 209 00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:27,958 The wise Sir Bedevere was the first to join King Arthur’s knights. 210 00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:30,916 But other illustrious names were soon to follow. 211 00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:33,255 Sir Lancelot the Brave. 212 00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:35,969 Sir Galahad the Pure. 213 00:21:36,754 --> 00:21:39,758 And Sir Robin, the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot, 214 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,093 who had nearly fought the Dragon of Angnor 215 00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:45,271 Iwho had nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of Bristol, 216 00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:49,101 and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill. 217 00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:52,820 And the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film. 218 00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:55,948 Together they formed a band 219 00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:59,869 whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries. 220 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:02,408 The Knights of the Round Table. 221 00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:06,497 That, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shared. 222 00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:09,044 This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere! 223 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:12,965 Explain again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes. 224 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,088 -Certainly, sin. -Look, my liege. 225 00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,931 -Camelot. -Camelot. 226 00:22:21,215 --> 00:22:23,138 -Camelot. -Its only a model. 227 00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:27,513 Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. 228 00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:30,270 Let us ride to Camelot! 229 00:22:32,101 --> 00:22:35,401 We’re knights of the Round Table We dance whene’er we’re able 230 00:22:35,479 --> 00:22:38,574 We do routines and chorus scenes With footwork impeccable 231 00:22:38,649 --> 00:22:41,949 We dine well here in Camelot We eat ham and jam and Spam a lot 232 00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:52,960 We’re knights of the Round Table Our shows are formidable 233 00:22:53,664 --> 00:22:55,462 But many times We’re given rhymes 234 00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:58,420 That are quite unsingable We’re opera mad in Camelot 235 00:22:58,502 --> 00:23:00,675 sing from the diaphragm a lot 236 00:23:15,853 --> 00:23:18,197 In war we’re tough and able 237 00:23:19,023 --> 00:23:21,242 Quite indefatigable 238 00:23:22,026 --> 00:23:23,903 Between our quests We sequin vests 239 00:23:23,986 --> 00:23:27,206 And impersonate Clark Gable It’s a busy life in Camelot 240 00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:31,623 I have to push the pram a lot 241 00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:40,002 No, on second thoughts, let’s not go to Camelot. It is a silly place. 242 00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:41,337 Right. 243 00:23:50,471 --> 00:23:53,850 Arthur. 244 00:23:54,308 --> 00:23:55,776 King of the Britons. 245 00:23:57,603 --> 00:24:01,358 Don ‘t grovel. If there’s one thing I can ‘t stand, it’s people groveling. 246 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,158 - Sorry. -And don’t apologize. 247 00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:07,204 Evey time I talk to someone it’s “sorry this,” and, “forgive me that'' 248 00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:08,906 and, “I’m not worthy. “ 249 00:24:09,073 --> 00:24:11,792 -What are you doing now? -I’m averting my eyes, O Lord. 250 00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:16,418 Don‘t. It’s like those miserable psalms. They’re so depressing. 251 00:24:16,622 --> 00:24:18,374 -Now, knock it off’ Lord. -Yes, 252 00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:21,961 Right. Arthur, King of the Britons. 253 00:24:22,544 --> 00:24:25,172 Your knights of the Round Table shall have a task 254 00:24:25,255 --> 00:24:27,974 to make them an example in these dark times. 255 00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:30,769 -Good idea, O Lordl -Course it’s a good idea. 256 00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:35,191 Behold, Arthur, this is the Holy Grail’ 257 00:24:35,432 --> 00:24:40,063 Look well, Arthur, for it is your sacred task to seek this grail. 258 00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:42,732 That is your purpose, Arthur. 259 00:24:43,649 --> 00:24:46,402 The quest for the Holy Grail. 260 00:24:50,572 --> 00:24:54,418 -A blessing from the Lord. -God be praised! 261 00:25:52,968 --> 00:25:54,060 Halt! 262 00:26:05,022 --> 00:26:06,148 Hello! 263 00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:14,823 Hello! 264 00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:18,080 Hello. Who is it? 265 00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:22,005 It is King Arthur, and these are my knights of the Round Table. 266 00:26:22,164 --> 00:26:23,711 Whose castle is this? 267 00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:27,216 This is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard. 268 00:26:27,503 --> 00:26:31,383 Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God 269 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:36,311 with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, 270 00:26:36,678 --> 00:26:39,557 he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail. 271 00:26:39,890 --> 00:26:43,064 Well, I’ll ask him, but I don’t think he’ll be very keen. 272 00:26:43,185 --> 00:26:45,233 He’s already got one, you see. 273 00:26:46,396 --> 00:26:48,865 -What? -Hi says they’ve already got one! 274 00:26:50,317 --> 00:26:54,038 -Are you sure he’s got one? -Oh, yes. It’s very nice. 275 00:26:54,905 --> 00:26:57,078 I told him we’ve already got one. 276 00:27:00,244 --> 00:27:04,545 -Can we come up and have a look? -Of course not! You are English-types. 277 00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:08,461 -Well, what are you then? -I’m French. 278 00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:12,549 Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king? 279 00:27:13,048 --> 00:27:16,222 -What are you doing in England? -Mind your own business. 280 00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:21,641 If you will not show us the Graill, we shall take your castle by force. 281 00:27:21,723 --> 00:27:24,897 You don’t frighten us, English pig-dogs! 282 00:27:25,519 --> 00:27:29,444 Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. 283 00:27:29,731 --> 00:27:33,611 I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King. 284 00:27:33,861 --> 00:27:37,911 You and all your silly English knights. 285 00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:48,167 -What a strange person. -Now look here, my good man... 286 00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:50,628 I don’t want to talk to you no more 287 00:27:50,919 --> 00:27:54,219 you empty-headed, animal food-trough wiper. 288 00:27:54,590 --> 00:27:57,343 I fart in your general direction 289 00:27:57,843 --> 00:28:02,770 Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries. 290 00:28:04,975 --> 00:28:07,694 Is there someone else up there we could talk to? 291 00:28:07,769 --> 00:28:11,649 No. Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time. 292 00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:17,701 Now, this is your last chance. I’ve been more than reasonable... 293 00:28:17,821 --> 00:28:19,243 -Fetchez Ia vache! -Quoi? 294 00:28:19,323 --> 00:28:20,791 Fetchez Ia vache! 295 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:26,289 If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall.. 296 00:28:28,123 --> 00:28:29,466 Jesus Christ! 297 00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:31,968 Crikey! 298 00:28:34,504 --> 00:28:36,802 Right! Charge! 299 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,029 Run away! Run away! 300 00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:06,874 -Fiends! I’ll tear them apart. -No, no. 301 00:29:06,995 --> 00:29:09,919 Sir, I have a plan, sir. 302 00:30:45,427 --> 00:30:46,519 -Un cadeau. -What? 303 00:30:46,595 --> 00:30:47,596 -A present. -Un cadeau. 304 00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:50,182 Oul, allons-y. Let’s go. 305 00:31:14,206 --> 00:31:15,378 What happens now? 306 00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:20,384 Well, now, Lancelot, Galahad, and I wait until nightfall, 307 00:31:20,796 --> 00:31:24,972 and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise. 308 00:31:25,467 --> 00:31:28,141 Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed! 309 00:31:29,137 --> 00:31:30,354 Who leaps out? 310 00:31:31,264 --> 00:31:33,608 Lancelot, Galahad, and I 311 00:31:34,851 --> 00:31:36,649 leap out of the rabbit. 312 00:31:42,526 --> 00:31:45,655 Look. If we built this large, wooden badger... 313 00:31:49,658 --> 00:31:52,036 Run away! 314 00:32:01,837 --> 00:32:04,386 -History for Schools. Take 8. -Action! 315 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:08,686 Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened King Arthur. 316 00:32:09,010 --> 00:32:13,811 The ferocity of the French taunting took him completely by surprise. 317 00:32:13,890 --> 00:32:18,191 Arthur became convinced that a new strategy was required 318 00:32:18,353 --> 00:32:22,733 if the quest for the Holy Grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion. 319 00:32:22,858 --> 00:32:25,702 Arthur, having consulted his closest knights 320 00:32:26,069 --> 00:32:30,370 decided that they should separate, and search for the Grail individually. 321 00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:32,583 Now, this is what they did... 322 00:32:35,871 --> 00:32:36,963 Frank! 323 00:32:48,592 --> 00:32:51,471 So, each of the knights went their separate ways. 324 00:32:51,761 --> 00:32:55,061 Sir Robin rode north, through the dark forest of Ewing, 325 00:32:55,265 --> 00:32:57,814 accompanied by his favorite minstrels. 326 00:32:59,060 --> 00:33:02,781 Bravely bold Sir Robin Rode forth from Camelot 327 00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:07,615 He was not afraid to die O, Brave Sir Robin 328 00:33:07,986 --> 00:33:11,911 He was not at all afraid To be killed in nasty ways 329 00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:15,081 Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin 330 00:33:16,786 --> 00:33:20,586 He was not in the least bit scared To be mashed into a pulp 331 00:33:21,291 --> 00:33:25,546 Or to have his eyes gouged out And his elbows broken 332 00:33:25,754 --> 00:33:29,679 To have his kneecaps split And his body burned away 333 00:33:29,966 --> 00:33:33,186 And his limbs all hacked and mangled Brave Sir Robin 334 00:33:34,638 --> 00:33:36,732 His head smashed in And his heart cut out 335 00:33:36,806 --> 00:33:38,729 His liver removed And his bowels unplugged 336 00:33:38,808 --> 00:33:41,778 His nostrils raped, his bottom burned off And his penis... 337 00:33:41,853 --> 00:33:44,777 That’s enough music for now, lads. 338 00:33:45,607 --> 00:33:47,609 Looks like there’s dirty work afoot. 339 00:33:50,195 --> 00:33:53,074 Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom. 340 00:33:53,156 --> 00:33:56,626 Dennis, forget about freedom. Don’t drop that mud. 341 00:34:00,163 --> 00:34:02,461 Halt! Who art thou? 342 00:34:02,749 --> 00:34:05,502 He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin... 343 00:34:05,585 --> 00:34:06,882 Shut up! 344 00:34:07,671 --> 00:34:11,016 Nobody, really. I was just passing through. 345 00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:12,551 What do you want? 346 00:34:12,634 --> 00:34:14,056 To fight and... 347 00:34:14,135 --> 00:34:15,352 Shut up! 348 00:34:16,346 --> 00:34:18,144 Nothing. Nothing, really. 349 00:34:19,099 --> 00:34:22,399 -Just to pass through, good Sir Knight. -I’m afraid not. 350 00:34:24,354 --> 00:34:29,235 -Actually, I am a knight of the Round Table. -You’re a knight of the Round Table? 351 00:34:29,651 --> 00:34:30,698 I am. 352 00:34:30,777 --> 00:34:32,996 -In that case, I have to kill you. -Shall I? 353 00:34:33,071 --> 00:34:35,290 -I don’t think so. -What do I think? 354 00:34:35,365 --> 00:34:37,208 -Kill him. -Let’s be nice to him. 355 00:34:37,284 --> 00:34:38,376 -Shut up. 356 00:34:38,451 --> 00:34:39,498 And you! 357 00:34:39,578 --> 00:34:41,580 Get the sword out. I want to cut his head off! 358 00:34:41,663 --> 00:34:44,507 -Cut your own head off -Yes, do us all a favor. 359 00:34:44,583 --> 00:34:46,631 -What? -Yapping on all the time. 360 00:34:46,710 --> 00:34:49,463 -You’re lucky you’re not next to him. -What do you mean? 361 00:34:49,546 --> 00:34:51,594 -You snore. -I don't. 362 00:34:51,798 --> 00:34:54,972 -You’ve got bad breath. -Only because you don’t brush my teeth. 363 00:34:55,051 --> 00:34:57,429 Stop bitching, and let’s go and have tea! 364 00:34:57,512 --> 00:35:01,642 All right! We’ll kill him first, and then have tea and biscuits. 365 00:35:01,725 --> 00:35:03,068 -Yes. -Not biscuits. 366 00:35:03,143 --> 00:35:06,613 All right! Not biscuits. But let’s kill him anyway 367 00:35:06,688 --> 00:35:07,780 Right. 368 00:35:10,358 --> 00:35:12,702 -He’s buggered off! -So he has! He’s scarpered. 369 00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:14,120 Brave Sir Robin ran away 370 00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:15,196 No! 371 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,123 Bravely ran away, away 372 00:35:17,198 --> 00:35:18,324 I didn’t. 373 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:23,125 When danger reared its ugly head He bravely turned his tail and fled 374 00:35:23,204 --> 00:35:27,084 Yes, Brave Sir Robin turned about And gallantly he chickened out 375 00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:31,305 Bravely taking to his feet He beat a veiy brave retreat 376 00:35:31,504 --> 00:35:33,381 Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin 377 00:35:33,465 --> 00:35:34,637 I never! 378 00:35:36,801 --> 00:35:40,772 Pie Jesu Domine 379 00:35:41,348 --> 00:35:45,819 Dona els requiem 380 00:37:02,137 --> 00:37:05,437 Open the door. 381 00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:09,728 In the name of King Arthur, open the door! 382 00:37:18,778 --> 00:37:19,825 Hello! 383 00:37:20,363 --> 00:37:24,118 Welcome, gentle Sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax. 384 00:37:25,368 --> 00:37:27,746 -The Castle Anthrax? -Yes. 385 00:37:28,788 --> 00:37:30,836 It’s not a very good name, is it? 386 00:37:30,915 --> 00:37:35,466 But we are nice, and we will attend to your every, every need! 387 00:37:36,379 --> 00:37:38,757 You are the keepers of the Holy Grail? 388 00:37:38,882 --> 00:37:41,260 -The what? -The Grail. It is here? 389 00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:45,230 But you are tired, and you must rest awhile. 390 00:37:45,722 --> 00:37:47,144 Midget! Crapper! 391 00:37:47,432 --> 00:37:50,481 -Yes, O Zoot? -Prepare a bed for our guest. 392 00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:53,529 -Thank you, Zoot. -Thank you. 393 00:37:53,646 --> 00:37:55,319 Away, away, varletesses! 394 00:37:57,066 --> 00:38:01,196 The beds here are warm and soft, and very, very big. 395 00:38:01,696 --> 00:38:04,449 -Look, I... -What is your name, handsome knight? 396 00:38:04,783 --> 00:38:06,877 Sir Galahad the Chaste. 397 00:38:08,077 --> 00:38:11,047 Mine is Zoot. Just Zoot. 398 00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:15,881 -But come. -Please, in Gods name, show me the Grail. 399 00:38:17,128 --> 00:38:20,098 You have suffered much. You are delirious. 400 00:38:20,173 --> 00:38:22,926 -Look, I have seen it. It is here. -Sir Galahad! 401 00:38:23,009 --> 00:38:26,980 You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality. 402 00:38:30,225 --> 00:38:35,231 I'm afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet, compared to yours. 403 00:38:36,231 --> 00:38:41,203 We’re eight score blondes and brunettes, all between 16 and 19 and a half, 404 00:38:41,569 --> 00:38:44,664 cut off in this castle, with no one to protect us. 405 00:38:45,782 --> 00:38:47,329 It is a lonely Iife. 406 00:38:48,076 --> 00:38:53,082 Bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. 407 00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:57,215 We are just not used to handsome knights. 408 00:38:57,544 --> 00:39:00,138 Nay. Come. You may lie here. 409 00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:04,721 -But you are wounded! -No, it’s nothing! 410 00:39:05,009 --> 00:39:09,810 You must see the doctors immediately. Please, lie down. 411 00:39:12,976 --> 00:39:16,651 -Well, what seems to be the trouble? -They’re doctors? 412 00:39:17,897 --> 00:39:20,116 They have a basic medical training. 413 00:39:20,525 --> 00:39:23,199 Come, come, you must try to rest. 414 00:39:23,903 --> 00:39:26,998 Dr. Piglet! Dr. Winston! Practice your art. 415 00:39:34,455 --> 00:39:37,299 -Try to relax. -Are you sure that’s absolutely necessary? 416 00:39:37,750 --> 00:39:39,252 We must examine you. 417 00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:45,592 -There’s nothing wrong with that. -Please. We are doctors. 418 00:39:48,011 --> 00:39:49,604 Look, this cannot be. 419 00:39:50,138 --> 00:39:52,436 -I am sworn to chastity! -Back to your bedl 420 00:39:52,515 --> 00:39:55,314 Torment me no longer. I have seen the Grail! 421 00:39:55,643 --> 00:39:58,487 -There’s no Grail here. -I have seen it. 422 00:39:59,564 --> 00:40:01,111 -I have seen.. -Hello. 423 00:40:06,905 --> 00:40:08,202 Hello. 424 00:40:27,926 --> 00:40:31,681 Zoot! -I am Zoot’s identical twin sister, Dingo. 425 00:40:33,056 --> 00:40:35,605 -Where are you going? -I seek the Grail. 426 00:40:35,725 --> 00:40:37,944 I have seen it here in this castle! 427 00:40:39,020 --> 00:40:43,400 Oh, no. Bad, bad Zoot! 428 00:40:43,733 --> 00:40:47,078 -What is it? -Wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! 429 00:40:47,570 --> 00:40:51,791 She has been setting light to our beacon, which is Grail-shaped. 430 00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,544 It’s not the first time we’ve had this problem. 431 00:40:54,619 --> 00:40:56,337 Its not the real Grail? 432 00:40:56,621 --> 00:40:59,545 Wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot. 433 00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:03,011 She is a bad person, and must pay the penalty. 434 00:41:04,712 --> 00:41:06,965 Do you think this scene should have been cut? 435 00:41:07,048 --> 00:41:09,927 We were so worried when the boys were writing it. 436 00:41:10,009 --> 00:41:13,354 But now we’re glad. It’s better than some previous scenes, I think. 437 00:41:13,721 --> 00:41:15,223 Ours was better visually. 438 00:41:15,306 --> 00:41:18,059 Ours was committed. It wasn’t a string of pussy jokes. 439 00:41:18,142 --> 00:41:20,691 -Get on with it. -Yes. Get on with it! 440 00:41:20,770 --> 00:41:23,398 Get on with it! 441 00:41:23,982 --> 00:41:27,737 -I am enjoying this scene. -Get on with it! 442 00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:33,537 Wicked, wicked Zoot! 443 00:41:35,785 --> 00:41:37,537 She must pay the penalty. 444 00:41:37,745 --> 00:41:42,546 In Castle Anthrax, we have one punishment for setting alight the Grail-shaped beacon. 445 00:41:43,167 --> 00:41:46,091 You must tie her down on a bed, and spank her. 446 00:41:46,295 --> 00:41:48,423 A spanking! A spanking! 447 00:41:48,589 --> 00:41:52,514 You must spank her, and after you’ve spanked her, deal with her as you like. 448 00:41:52,593 --> 00:41:54,891 -And, then, spank me. -And me! 449 00:41:54,971 --> 00:41:56,097 -And me. -And me. 450 00:41:56,180 --> 00:41:58,683 Yes. You must give us all a good spanking! 451 00:41:58,766 --> 00:42:00,313 A spanking! 452 00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:07,447 -And, after the spanking, the oral sex. -The oral sex! 453 00:42:08,401 --> 00:42:10,495 Well, I could stay a bit longer. 454 00:42:10,611 --> 00:42:12,739 -Sir Galahad! -Hello. 455 00:42:12,822 --> 00:42:15,245 -Quick! You are in great peril. -Why? 456 00:42:15,324 --> 00:42:17,668 -No, he isn’t! -Silence, foul temptress! 457 00:42:17,744 --> 00:42:20,042 -She’s got a point. -We’ll cover your escape! 458 00:42:20,121 --> 00:42:22,874 -Look, I’m fine! -Wait, Sir Galahad! 459 00:42:22,957 --> 00:42:27,212 -I can tackle this lot single-handed -Yes, let him tackle us single-handed! 460 00:42:28,254 --> 00:42:29,722 No, Sir Galahad. Come! 461 00:42:29,797 --> 00:42:32,141 Honestly, I can handle this lot easily! 462 00:42:32,216 --> 00:42:34,844 -Yes, let him handle us easily. -Go! Quick! 463 00:42:34,927 --> 00:42:38,397 Wait! Please! I can defeat them! There’s only 150 of them! 464 00:42:38,723 --> 00:42:41,522 He’ll beat us easily. We haven’t a chance 465 00:42:45,646 --> 00:42:46,898 Oh, shit! 466 00:42:47,315 --> 00:42:50,034 -You were in great peril. -I don’t think I was. 467 00:42:50,151 --> 00:42:51,619 You were in terrible peril. 468 00:42:51,694 --> 00:42:54,914 -Let me go back, and face the peril. -No, it’s too perilous. 469 00:42:54,989 --> 00:42:57,287 It’s my duty to sample as much peril as I can. 470 00:42:57,366 --> 00:42:59,118 We’ve got to find the Holy Grail. 471 00:42:59,202 --> 00:43:01,955 -Let me have just a bit of peril? -No. It’s unhealthy. 472 00:43:02,038 --> 00:43:04,086 -I bet you’re gay. -No, I’m not. 473 00:43:05,666 --> 00:43:09,387 Sir Lancelot had saved Sir Galahad from almost certain temptation. 474 00:43:09,670 --> 00:43:12,219 But, they were still no nearer the Grail. 475 00:43:12,507 --> 00:43:16,182 King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not more than a swallow’s flight away, 476 00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,183 had discovered something. 477 00:43:19,222 --> 00:43:21,771 That’s an unladen swallow’s flight, obviously. 478 00:43:21,849 --> 00:43:24,318 They were more than two laden swallow’s flights away. 479 00:43:24,393 --> 00:43:26,646 Four, with a coconut on a line between them. 480 00:43:26,729 --> 00:43:28,356 If the birds were... 481 00:43:28,439 --> 00:43:30,362 Get on with it! 482 00:43:30,441 --> 00:43:31,442 Oh, anyway, 483 00:43:31,526 --> 00:43:35,030 on to Scene 24, which is a smashing scene, with some lovely acting, 484 00:43:35,113 --> 00:43:37,286 in which Arthur discovers a vital clue. 485 00:43:37,365 --> 00:43:40,289 There aren‘t any swallows but I think you can hear a... 486 00:43:42,203 --> 00:43:46,049 And this enchanter of whom you speak, he has seen the Grail? 487 00:43:51,254 --> 00:43:52,756 Where does he live? 488 00:43:52,964 --> 00:43:54,557 Old man, where does he live? 489 00:43:55,883 --> 00:44:00,764 He knows of a cave. A cave which no man has entered. 490 00:44:01,222 --> 00:44:04,772 -And the Grail. The Grail is there? -There is much danger. 491 00:44:05,393 --> 00:44:09,489 For beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, 492 00:44:10,022 --> 00:44:12,445 which no man has ever crossed. 493 00:44:12,900 --> 00:44:15,323 But the Grail. Where is the Grail’? 494 00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:19,116 Seek you the Bridge of Death. 495 00:44:20,700 --> 00:44:23,419 The Bridge of Death? Which leads to the Grail? 496 00:45:08,915 --> 00:45:13,716 -Who are you? -We are the knights who say “Ni”! 497 00:45:13,794 --> 00:45:16,343 -No! Not the knights who say “Ni’? -The same! 498 00:45:16,422 --> 00:45:20,177 -Who are they? -We are the keepers of the sacred words. 499 00:45:20,718 --> 00:45:24,063 “Ni", "Peng” and “Neee Wom”! 500 00:45:24,889 --> 00:45:27,392 Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale. 501 00:45:27,475 --> 00:45:31,855 The knights who say “Ni'' demand a sacrifice. 502 00:45:31,938 --> 00:45:34,487 Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers 503 00:45:34,565 --> 00:45:37,284 who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods. 504 00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:38,532 Ni! Ni! 505 00:45:44,492 --> 00:45:49,043 We shall say “Ni” again to you, if you do not appease us. 506 00:45:49,664 --> 00:45:52,008 -What is it you want? -We want 507 00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:55,712 a shrubbery. 508 00:45:56,587 --> 00:45:57,634 A what? 509 00:45:57,713 --> 00:46:01,843 -Ni! Ni! -Please No more! 510 00:46:01,926 --> 00:46:05,681 -We will find you a shrubbery. -You must return with a shrubbery, 511 00:46:05,763 --> 00:46:09,142 or else you will never pass through this wood 512 00:46:09,642 --> 00:46:11,064 alive. 513 00:46:11,352 --> 00:46:13,775 Knights of Ni, you are just and fair. 514 00:46:13,854 --> 00:46:16,733 -We will return with a shrubbery. -One that looks nice. 515 00:46:16,816 --> 00:46:18,784 -Of course. -And not too expensive. 516 00:46:18,859 --> 00:46:22,159 -Yes. -Now go! 517 00:47:05,990 --> 00:47:08,288 Stop that! Stop that! 518 00:47:08,451 --> 00:47:11,295 Go on, clear off! Go away. 519 00:47:14,457 --> 00:47:15,925 And you, clear off! 520 00:47:21,380 --> 00:47:22,427 Bloody weather. 521 00:47:23,007 --> 00:47:24,930 The tale of Sir Lancelot. 522 00:47:31,682 --> 00:47:34,606 One day, lad, all this will be yours. 523 00:47:34,727 --> 00:47:37,230 -What, the curtains? -No, not the curtains. 524 00:47:37,313 --> 00:47:41,784 All that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys. 525 00:47:41,859 --> 00:47:43,702 That'll be your kingdom, lad. 526 00:47:43,778 --> 00:47:45,530 -But, Mother. -Father, lad. 527 00:47:45,696 --> 00:47:49,326 -But, Father, I dont want any of that. -Listen, lad. 528 00:47:49,450 --> 00:47:54,331 I built this kingdom up from nothing! When I started here, it was a swamp. 529 00:47:54,830 --> 00:47:57,879 Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on the swamp. 530 00:47:57,958 --> 00:48:01,087 But I built it all the same to show them. 531 00:48:01,587 --> 00:48:03,385 It sank into the swamp. 532 00:48:03,464 --> 00:48:06,308 So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. 533 00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:10,230 I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank in the swamp. 534 00:48:10,304 --> 00:48:12,306 But the fourth one stayed up. 535 00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:15,234 And that’s what you’ll get, lad. 536 00:48:15,309 --> 00:48:20,065 -The strongest castle in these isles. -But I don’t want any of that. 537 00:48:20,648 --> 00:48:22,446 -I'dd rather... -Rather what? 538 00:48:22,650 --> 00:48:24,652 I’d rather just 539 00:48:25,778 --> 00:48:28,657 -sing. -Stop that. 540 00:48:28,739 --> 00:48:31,492 You’re not going into a song while I’m here! 541 00:48:31,617 --> 00:48:33,915 In 20 minutes, you’re marrying a girl 542 00:48:33,994 --> 00:48:37,999 whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain. 543 00:48:38,165 --> 00:48:40,918 -But I don’t want land. -Listen, Alice. 544 00:48:41,001 --> 00:48:42,594 -Herbert. -Herbert. 545 00:48:42,670 --> 00:48:46,095 We live on a bloody swamp, we need all the land we can get. 546 00:48:46,674 --> 00:48:49,518 -But I don’t like her. -Don’t like her? 547 00:48:50,302 --> 00:48:51,770 What’s wrong with her? 548 00:48:51,846 --> 00:48:56,147 She’s beautiful, she’s rich. She’s got huge 549 00:48:56,851 --> 00:48:58,273 tracts of land. 550 00:48:59,353 --> 00:49:04,234 I know, but I want the girl that I marry to have 551 00:49:05,192 --> 00:49:08,662 a certain special something. 552 00:49:09,447 --> 00:49:11,700 Cut that out! 553 00:49:13,033 --> 00:49:17,539 You’re marrying Princess Lucky, so you’d better get used to the idea! 554 00:49:18,873 --> 00:49:19,965 Guards! 555 00:49:20,374 --> 00:49:23,628 Make sure the Prince doesn’t leave the room until I get him. 556 00:49:23,711 --> 00:49:26,715 Not to leave the room, even if you come and get him. 557 00:49:26,797 --> 00:49:28,845 No. Until I come and get him. 558 00:49:29,175 --> 00:49:32,395 Until you come and get him, we’re not to enter the room. 559 00:49:32,511 --> 00:49:37,358 No, you stay in the room and make sure he doesn’t leave. 560 00:49:37,641 --> 00:49:40,144 -And you’ll come and get him. -Right. 561 00:49:40,227 --> 00:49:43,902 We don't need to do anything, apart from stop him entering the room. 562 00:49:44,190 --> 00:49:47,319 -No. Leaving the room. -Leaving the room, yes. 563 00:49:47,568 --> 00:49:49,662 -All right? -Right. If... 564 00:49:49,737 --> 00:49:52,115 -If we’re.... -Yes? 565 00:49:53,782 --> 00:49:56,001 Look, its quite simpIe. 566 00:49:56,076 --> 00:50:00,297 You stay here and make sure he doesn’t leave the room. 567 00:50:01,457 --> 00:50:03,585 -All right? -I remember. 568 00:50:03,751 --> 00:50:06,095 Can he leave the room with us? 569 00:50:06,545 --> 00:50:10,345 No, you just keep him in here, and make sure.. 570 00:50:10,424 --> 00:50:12,722 Yes! Well keep him in here, obviously. 571 00:50:12,801 --> 00:50:15,975 -But if he had to leave... -No. Keep him in here! 572 00:50:16,096 --> 00:50:18,815 -Until you, or anyone. -Not anyone, just mel 573 00:50:18,933 --> 00:50:21,277 -Just you.. -Get back. 574 00:50:21,602 --> 00:50:22,649 -Right? -Right. 575 00:50:22,728 --> 00:50:24,696 We’ll stay here until you get back. 576 00:50:24,772 --> 00:50:27,616 -And make sure he doesn’t leave. -What? 577 00:50:28,943 --> 00:50:31,992 -Make sure he doesn’t leave. -The Prince? 578 00:50:32,112 --> 00:50:35,412 -Yes, make sure he doesn’t leave. -Yes, of course! 579 00:50:35,491 --> 00:50:37,164 I thought you meant him! 580 00:50:37,243 --> 00:50:40,918 It seemed a bit daft me having to guard him when he’s a guard. 581 00:50:41,330 --> 00:50:44,129 -Is that clear? -Quite clear. No problems. 582 00:50:44,291 --> 00:50:45,338 Right. 583 00:50:47,586 --> 00:50:50,180 -Where are you going? -We’re coming with you. 584 00:50:50,297 --> 00:50:54,427 No, I want you to stay here, and make sure he doesn’t leave. 585 00:50:54,927 --> 00:50:56,144 I see, right. 586 00:50:56,971 --> 00:51:00,646 -But, Father... -Shut it, and get that suit on. 587 00:51:08,357 --> 00:51:10,325 And no singing! 588 00:51:10,693 --> 00:51:12,661 Go and get a glass of water! 589 00:52:01,368 --> 00:52:03,962 -Well taken, Concorde! -Thank you, sir, most kind. 590 00:52:04,038 --> 00:52:05,540 And again! 591 00:52:05,873 --> 00:52:08,968 Over we go! Good, steady! 592 00:52:09,043 --> 00:52:11,262 Now, the big one! 593 00:52:12,087 --> 00:52:14,135 Come on, Concorde! 594 00:52:15,257 --> 00:52:17,385 Message for you, sir. 595 00:52:19,928 --> 00:52:21,805 Concorde, speak to me! 596 00:52:31,482 --> 00:52:33,155 “To whoever finds this note. 597 00:52:33,233 --> 00:52:37,329 “I have been imprisoned by my father, 598 00:52:37,738 --> 00:52:40,332 “who wishes me to marry against my will. 599 00:52:40,407 --> 00:52:42,956 “Please, please come and rescue me. 600 00:52:43,452 --> 00:52:46,922 ''I am in the tall tower of Swamp Castle''. 601 00:52:46,997 --> 00:52:50,297 At last! A call! A cry of distress! 602 00:52:50,417 --> 00:52:53,591 This could be the sign that leads us to the Holy Grail! 603 00:52:53,671 --> 00:52:58,268 Brave Concorde, you shall not have died in vain! 604 00:52:58,592 --> 00:53:00,310 I’m not quite dead, sir. 605 00:53:02,429 --> 00:53:05,023 You shall not have been mortally wounded in vain! 606 00:53:05,099 --> 00:53:07,443 I think I could pull through, sir. 607 00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:10,938 -l see. -I think I’m all right to come with you. 608 00:53:11,021 --> 00:53:12,773 No, sweet Concorde! Stay here. 609 00:53:12,856 --> 00:53:16,030 I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and 610 00:53:16,110 --> 00:53:18,863 heroic rescue in my own particular... 611 00:53:22,157 --> 00:53:23,955 -Idiom, sir? -Idiom! 612 00:53:24,118 --> 00:53:27,497 -No, I feel fine, actually, sir. -Farewell, sweet Concorde! 613 00:53:28,497 --> 00:53:31,671 Ill just stay here, shall I, sir? 614 00:53:33,711 --> 00:53:34,837 Yeah. 615 00:54:14,001 --> 00:54:15,344 -Morning. -Morning. 616 00:55:00,214 --> 00:55:01,215 Hey! 617 00:55:52,599 --> 00:55:54,943 You’re not allowed to enter the room... 618 00:55:56,979 --> 00:55:59,983 Fair one, behold your humble servant, Sir Lancelot of Camelot. 619 00:56:00,065 --> 00:56:03,990 -I have come to take... I’m terribly sorry. -You got my note! 620 00:56:04,319 --> 00:56:08,199 -I got a note. -You’ve come to rescue me? 621 00:56:08,615 --> 00:56:11,414 -Well, no, you see... -I knew someone would. 622 00:56:11,702 --> 00:56:16,333 I knew that somewhere out there, there must be someone.. 623 00:56:17,124 --> 00:56:19,343 Stop that! Stop it! 624 00:56:20,878 --> 00:56:21,879 Who are you? 625 00:56:21,962 --> 00:56:23,589 -I’m your son. -No, not you. 626 00:56:23,672 --> 00:56:26,892 -Im Sir Lancelot, sir. -Hes come to rescue me, Father. 627 00:56:26,967 --> 00:56:31,188 -Let’s not jump to conclusions -Did you kill all those guards? 628 00:56:31,305 --> 00:56:33,103 Yes. Sorry. 629 00:56:33,181 --> 00:56:35,650 -They cost 50 pounds each. -I’m awfully sorry. 630 00:56:35,726 --> 00:56:39,822 Don’t be afraid of him, Sir Lancelot. I’ve got a rope ready. 631 00:56:40,564 --> 00:56:42,942 You killed eight wedding guests and all! 632 00:56:43,108 --> 00:56:45,452 Well, you see, I thought your son was a lady. 633 00:56:45,527 --> 00:56:46,870 I can understand that. 634 00:56:46,945 --> 00:56:49,289 -Hurry, Sir Lancelot! Hurry! Shut up! 635 00:56:49,364 --> 00:56:52,789 -You only killed the bride’s father! -l didn’t mean to. 636 00:56:52,868 --> 00:56:55,621 Didn’t mean to? You put your sword through his head! 637 00:56:55,704 --> 00:56:58,708 -Oh dear, is he all right? -You kicked the bride in the chest! 638 00:56:58,790 --> 00:57:01,293 -It’s going to cost me a fortune! -I can explain. 639 00:57:01,376 --> 00:57:05,176 I was in the forest, riding north from Camelot, when I got this note. 640 00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:07,883 -Are you from Camelot? -Hurry, Sir Lancelot! 641 00:57:08,008 --> 00:57:10,102 I'm a knight of King Arthur, sir. 642 00:57:10,177 --> 00:57:13,181 Very nice castle, Camelot. Very good pig country. 643 00:57:13,931 --> 00:57:16,980 -Is it? -I am ready! 644 00:57:17,059 --> 00:57:20,814 -Would you like to come have a drink? -Thats awfully nice of you. 645 00:57:21,146 --> 00:57:24,320 -I am ready! -I mean, to be so understanding. 646 00:57:24,399 --> 00:57:28,324 You see, when I’m in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit carried away. 647 00:57:34,993 --> 00:57:38,463 Now, this is the main hall. We’ll have all this knocked through... 648 00:57:38,538 --> 00:57:42,042 -There he is! -Bloody hell. 649 00:57:51,635 --> 00:57:55,390 -Hold it, please! -See what I mean? I get carried away. 650 00:57:55,472 --> 00:57:58,396 I'm really most awfully sorry. Sorry, everyone. 651 00:57:58,475 --> 00:57:59,897 He’s killed the best man! 652 00:58:01,436 --> 00:58:05,942 Hold it, please, hold it! This is Sir Lancelot 653 00:58:06,024 --> 00:58:11,030 from the Court of CameIot, a brave and influential knigh. 654 00:58:11,780 --> 00:58:14,659 -And my special guest here today. -Hallo. 655 00:58:14,741 --> 00:58:16,368 He killed my auntie! 656 00:58:17,119 --> 00:58:21,750 No, please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! 657 00:58:21,873 --> 00:58:25,798 Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who. 658 00:58:26,586 --> 00:58:31,092 We are here today to witness the union of two young people 659 00:58:31,216 --> 00:58:33,560 in the joyful bond of holy wedlock. 660 00:58:35,137 --> 00:58:38,937 Unfortunately, one of them, my son Herbert, 661 00:58:39,725 --> 00:58:41,773 has just fallen to his death. 662 00:58:42,602 --> 00:58:46,106 But I don’t want to think I’ve lost a son, so much as 663 00:58:46,606 --> 00:58:48,279 gained a daughter. 664 00:58:48,984 --> 00:58:52,238 For, since the tragic death of her father.. 665 00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,448 He’s not quite dead! 666 00:58:55,782 --> 00:58:58,831 Since the near fatal wounding of her father.. 667 00:58:58,952 --> 00:59:00,704 He’s getting better! 668 00:59:02,622 --> 00:59:05,967 For, since her own father 669 00:59:06,084 --> 00:59:09,429 who, when he seemed about to recover, 670 00:59:09,838 --> 00:59:13,308 suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him. 671 00:59:14,259 --> 00:59:15,431 He’s died! 672 00:59:15,927 --> 00:59:19,557 I want his only daughter to look upon me 673 00:59:19,639 --> 00:59:24,145 as her own dad, in a very real, and legally binding sense. 674 00:59:25,979 --> 00:59:30,655 And I feel sure that the merger, the union between the Princess 675 00:59:31,359 --> 00:59:35,114 and the brave but dangerous Sir Lancelot of Camelot... 676 00:59:35,530 --> 00:59:38,659 -What? -Look, the dead Prince! 677 00:59:41,328 --> 00:59:44,832 -He’s not quite dead! -I feel much betteri 678 00:59:44,956 --> 00:59:47,835 You fell out of the tall tower, you creep! 679 00:59:48,126 --> 00:59:51,881 -No, I was saved at the last minute. -How? 680 00:59:52,172 --> 00:59:53,845 I’ll tell you. 681 00:59:55,175 --> 00:59:57,678 Not like that! Not like that. 682 00:59:57,803 --> 01:00:01,524 He’s going to tell He’s going to tell 683 01:00:05,894 --> 01:00:07,817 Quickly, sir, come this way! 684 01:00:07,896 --> 01:00:11,821 No, it’s not right for my idiom. I must escape more... 685 01:00:13,693 --> 01:00:16,867 -Dramatically, sir? -Dramatically. 686 01:00:29,042 --> 01:00:31,841 Excuse me, could somebody give me a push, please? 687 01:00:47,602 --> 01:00:49,275 Old crone! 688 01:00:50,897 --> 01:00:54,401 Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery? 689 01:00:55,235 --> 01:00:58,739 -Who sent you? -The knights who say “Ni”! 690 01:00:58,905 --> 01:01:01,704 No! We have no shrubberies here. 691 01:01:01,783 --> 01:01:05,913 If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I 692 01:01:06,288 --> 01:01:07,585 will say... 693 01:01:08,748 --> 01:01:11,592 We will say “Ni.” 694 01:01:12,210 --> 01:01:13,507 Do your worst! 695 01:01:13,587 --> 01:01:17,763 Very well. If you will not assist us voluntarily... 696 01:01:21,428 --> 01:01:22,600 -Ni! -No! 697 01:01:23,388 --> 01:01:25,641 Never. No shrubberies. 698 01:01:25,974 --> 01:01:27,726 -Ni! -No! 699 01:01:27,976 --> 01:01:30,274 No, it’s not that, it’s ‘Ni.” 700 01:01:31,104 --> 01:01:33,482 No, you’re not doing it properly. 701 01:01:33,607 --> 01:01:35,109 -Ni! -You've got it. 702 01:01:35,233 --> 01:01:38,203 -Ni! -Ni! 703 01:01:38,278 --> 01:01:41,407 Are you saying “Ni” to that old woman? 704 01:01:42,616 --> 01:01:43,708 Yes. 705 01:01:43,783 --> 01:01:48,710 What sad times are these when passing ruffians can say “Ni” at will to old ladies. 706 01:01:49,289 --> 01:01:52,463 There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. 707 01:01:52,792 --> 01:01:56,592 Even those who arrange shrubberies are under considerable economic stress 708 01:01:56,671 --> 01:01:58,673 at this period in history. 709 01:01:58,798 --> 01:02:01,472 -Did you say ''shrubberies''? -Yes. 710 01:02:01,593 --> 01:02:04,597 Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. 711 01:02:04,679 --> 01:02:09,310 My name is Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies. 712 01:02:10,101 --> 01:02:12,320 -Ni! -No! 713 01:02:13,313 --> 01:02:16,237 Knights of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery. 714 01:02:16,316 --> 01:02:18,660 -May we go? -It is a good shrubbery. 715 01:02:18,860 --> 01:02:23,206 I like the laurels particularly. But there is one small problem. 716 01:02:23,782 --> 01:02:24,908 What is that? 717 01:02:24,991 --> 01:02:29,337 We are now no longer the knights who say “Ni. 718 01:02:30,288 --> 01:02:32,256 We are now the knights who say, 719 01:02:32,332 --> 01:02:35,836 “Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptang Zoo Boing”! 720 01:02:36,753 --> 01:02:38,881 Therefore, we must give you a test. 721 01:02:38,964 --> 01:02:42,559 What is this test, knights who until recently said “Ni’? 722 01:02:43,301 --> 01:02:45,474 Firstly, you must find 723 01:02:46,179 --> 01:02:47,897 another shrubbery! 724 01:02:49,057 --> 01:02:51,526 Not another shrubbery! 725 01:02:51,643 --> 01:02:55,364 Then you must bring it here beside this shrubbery. 726 01:02:55,563 --> 01:02:59,113 Higher, so you get the two-level effect with a path going down the middle. 727 01:02:59,192 --> 01:03:01,240 A path! A path! 728 01:03:01,361 --> 01:03:04,490 Then, when you have found the shrubberies, 729 01:03:04,864 --> 01:03:08,164 you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest 730 01:03:08,868 --> 01:03:12,042 with a herring! 731 01:03:13,331 --> 01:03:16,005 -We shall do no such thing. -Please. 732 01:03:16,376 --> 01:03:19,550 Cut down a tree with a herring? It can’t be done. 733 01:03:21,256 --> 01:03:23,133 -Don’t say that word. -What word? 734 01:03:23,216 --> 01:03:25,218 I cannot tell. Suffice to say, 735 01:03:25,343 --> 01:03:28,017 it’s one of the words the knights of Ni cannot hear. 736 01:03:28,096 --> 01:03:31,020 How can we not say the word if you don’t tell us what it is? 737 01:03:31,099 --> 01:03:33,227 -He did it again. -What? "Is"? 738 01:03:33,643 --> 01:03:37,864 No, not “is”! You wouldn’t get very far in life not saying “is.” 739 01:03:37,939 --> 01:03:39,441 My liege, it’s Robin. 740 01:03:39,566 --> 01:03:43,946 He’s jacking it in and packing it up And sneaking away and buggering off 741 01:03:44,070 --> 01:03:48,667 And chickening out and pissing a pot Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge 742 01:03:48,742 --> 01:03:49,994 -Robin. -My liege. 743 01:03:50,076 --> 01:03:51,669 -It’s good to see you. -Now he’s said the word! 744 01:03:51,745 --> 01:03:54,339 You haven’t given up your quest for the Holy Grail? 745 01:03:54,414 --> 01:03:55,757 He is sneaking away and... 746 01:03:55,832 --> 01:03:56,924 Shut up! 747 01:03:57,417 --> 01:03:59,920 -No, far from it. -You said the word again. 748 01:04:00,003 --> 01:04:04,600 I was looking for it here in this forest. 749 01:04:04,758 --> 01:04:09,104 -No, it is far from this place. -Stop saying the word! 750 01:04:09,220 --> 01:04:11,689 -The word we cannot hear! -Stop it! 751 01:04:11,848 --> 01:04:13,850 -He said ''it'' again! -That's it! 752 01:04:13,933 --> 01:04:16,937 I’ve said ‘‘it". I've said "it". I’ve said ''it'' again! 753 01:04:17,062 --> 01:04:19,281 That’s three “its’! 754 01:04:25,445 --> 01:04:29,951 And so Arthur and Bedevere and Sir Robin set out on their search to find 755 01:04:30,033 --> 01:04:33,958 the enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in Scene 24. 756 01:04:35,455 --> 01:04:38,299 Beyond the forest they met Lancelot and Galahad, 757 01:04:38,416 --> 01:04:40,794 and there was much rejoicing. 758 01:04:52,305 --> 01:04:54,558 In the frozen land of Nador, 759 01:04:54,641 --> 01:04:57,440 they were forced to eat Robin’s minstrels. 760 01:04:58,103 --> 01:05:00,356 And there was much rejoicing. 761 01:05:01,981 --> 01:05:03,654 A year passed. 762 01:05:07,487 --> 01:05:09,956 Winter changed into spring. 763 01:05:10,490 --> 01:05:12,618 Spring changed into summer. 764 01:05:13,159 --> 01:05:15,582 Summer changed back into winter, 765 01:05:15,662 --> 01:05:20,213 and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn. 766 01:05:21,501 --> 01:05:22,753 Until one day. 767 01:05:44,983 --> 01:05:46,326 Knights, 768 01:05:47,527 --> 01:05:48,824 forward! 769 01:06:25,857 --> 01:06:28,451 What manner of man are you that can summon up fire 770 01:06:28,526 --> 01:06:32,952 -without flint or tinder? -I am an enchanter. 771 01:06:35,992 --> 01:06:39,838 -By what name are you known? -There are some who call me... 772 01:06:41,915 --> 01:06:44,589 -Tim. -Greetings, Tim the enchanter! 773 01:06:44,709 --> 01:06:47,087 Greetings, King Arthur. 774 01:06:47,921 --> 01:06:49,594 -You know my name? -I do. 775 01:06:57,597 --> 01:07:00,350 You seek the Holy Grail. 776 01:07:00,934 --> 01:07:04,029 That is our quest. You know much that is hidden, Tim. 777 01:07:04,103 --> 01:07:05,355 Quitel 778 01:07:13,613 --> 01:07:16,036 Yes, we are looking for the Holy Grail. 779 01:07:16,282 --> 01:07:20,207 -Our quest is to find the Holy Grail. -Yes, it is. 780 01:07:23,414 --> 01:07:26,634 -And so we’re looking for it. -Yes, we are. 781 01:07:26,751 --> 01:07:29,595 -We have been for some time. -Ages. 782 01:07:32,215 --> 01:07:36,641 So, anything you could do to help would be 783 01:07:39,097 --> 01:07:40,223 very 784 01:07:41,474 --> 01:07:44,318 -helpful. -Look, can you tell us where... 785 01:07:48,147 --> 01:07:51,151 Fine, I don’t want to waste any more of your time, 786 01:07:51,276 --> 01:07:55,156 but I don’t suppose you could tell us where we might find a... 787 01:07:58,283 --> 01:07:59,910 A what? 788 01:08:02,078 --> 01:08:03,671 A grail? 789 01:08:03,746 --> 01:08:05,919 Yes, I think so. 790 01:08:06,457 --> 01:08:07,504 Yes. 791 01:08:08,668 --> 01:08:09,840 Yes! 792 01:08:12,005 --> 01:08:14,849 -Thank you. -Splendid! 793 01:08:18,678 --> 01:08:21,272 Look, you’re a busy man... 794 01:08:21,347 --> 01:08:26,023 Yes, I can help you find the Holy Grail. 795 01:08:26,477 --> 01:08:31,278 To the north, there lies a cave. The Cave of Caerbannog. 796 01:08:31,357 --> 01:08:35,703 Wherein, carved in mystic runes, upon the very living rock, 797 01:08:36,154 --> 01:08:39,499 the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged 798 01:08:41,618 --> 01:08:46,545 make plain the last resting place of the most Holy Grail. 799 01:08:47,457 --> 01:08:50,552 -Where could we find this cave, Tim? -Follow! 800 01:08:52,045 --> 01:08:56,141 But follow only if ye be men of valor. 801 01:08:56,549 --> 01:09:00,019 For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature 802 01:09:00,511 --> 01:09:03,731 so foul, so cruel, 803 01:09:03,848 --> 01:09:07,068 that no man yet has fought with it and lived. 804 01:09:08,645 --> 01:09:13,651 Bones of full 50 men lie strewn about its lair. 805 01:09:14,192 --> 01:09:18,572 So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage 806 01:09:19,072 --> 01:09:21,916 or your strength, come no further, 807 01:09:22,241 --> 01:09:27,213 for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth. 808 01:09:29,666 --> 01:09:31,543 What an eccentric performance! 809 01:09:45,098 --> 01:09:46,520 They’re nervous, sire. 810 01:09:46,599 --> 01:09:49,193 Then we’d best leave them here and carry on, on foot. 811 01:09:49,268 --> 01:09:50,770 Dismount! 812 01:10:03,908 --> 01:10:07,913 Behold the Cave of Caerbannog! 813 01:10:10,331 --> 01:10:13,460 -Right, keep me covered. -What with? 814 01:10:14,210 --> 01:10:16,588 -Just keep me covered. -Too late. 815 01:10:17,922 --> 01:10:19,094 There he is! 816 01:10:22,176 --> 01:10:24,349 -Where? -There. 817 01:10:25,388 --> 01:10:28,437 -What, behind the rabbit? -It is the rabbit. 818 01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:33,029 -You silly sod! -What? 819 01:10:33,104 --> 01:10:34,572 You got us all worked up. 820 01:10:34,647 --> 01:10:36,365 That’s no ordinary rabbit. 821 01:10:36,441 --> 01:10:41,413 Thats the most foul, cruel and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on. 822 01:10:41,571 --> 01:10:45,201 You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared! 823 01:10:45,324 --> 01:10:48,828 Look, that rabbit’s got a vicious streak a mile wide. 824 01:10:48,911 --> 01:10:50,913 -It’s a killer! -Get stuffed. 825 01:10:50,997 --> 01:10:53,341 -He’ll do you up a treat, mate! -Yeah? 826 01:10:53,416 --> 01:10:55,965 -You manky Scots git! -I’m warning you. 827 01:10:56,043 --> 01:10:59,718 -What’s he do? Nibble your bum? -He’s got huge, sharp... 828 01:11:00,757 --> 01:11:02,509 It can leap about... 829 01:11:02,967 --> 01:11:06,392 -Look at the bones! -Go on, Bors, chop its head off. 830 01:11:06,512 --> 01:11:10,233 Right. Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew coming right up. 831 01:11:12,602 --> 01:11:14,070 Look! 832 01:11:16,939 --> 01:11:20,113 -Jesus Christ! -I warned you! 833 01:11:20,193 --> 01:11:22,287 -I’ve done it again. -I warned you. 834 01:11:22,361 --> 01:11:25,706 But did you listen to me? No, you knew it all, didn’t you? 835 01:11:25,865 --> 01:11:30,416 It’s just a harmless little bunny, isn’t it? Well, it’s always the same. 836 01:11:30,495 --> 01:11:33,123 -I always... -Shut up! 837 01:11:34,582 --> 01:11:36,425 Charge! 838 01:11:53,100 --> 01:11:55,569 Run away! 839 01:12:04,946 --> 01:12:06,994 -How many did we lose? -Gawain. 840 01:12:07,073 --> 01:12:09,121 -Ector. -And Bors. That’s five. 841 01:12:09,200 --> 01:12:11,168 -Three. -Three. 842 01:12:11,536 --> 01:12:15,211 We better not risk another frontal assault, that rabbit’s dynamite. 843 01:12:15,289 --> 01:12:17,917 Would it help to confuse it if we run away more? 844 01:12:18,000 --> 01:12:21,379 -Shut up and change your armor. -Let us taunt it. 845 01:12:21,462 --> 01:12:24,261 lit may become so cross that it will make a mistake. 846 01:12:24,340 --> 01:12:25,466 Like what? 847 01:12:26,759 --> 01:12:27,806 Well... 848 01:12:30,972 --> 01:12:32,940 -Have we got bows? -No. 849 01:12:33,015 --> 01:12:35,393 -We have the Holy Hand Grenade. -Yes, of course! 850 01:12:35,476 --> 01:12:37,228 The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. 851 01:12:37,311 --> 01:12:40,155 It’s one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries. 852 01:12:40,231 --> 01:12:43,326 Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade. 853 01:13:14,807 --> 01:13:16,104 How does it... 854 01:13:16,809 --> 01:13:17,981 How does it work? 855 01:13:18,060 --> 01:13:20,904 -l know not, my liege. -Consult the Book of Armaments. 856 01:13:20,980 --> 01:13:24,780 Armaments 2: 9-21. 857 01:13:28,112 --> 01:13:32,037 “And St. Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 858 01:13:32,742 --> 01:13:36,872 “O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayest 859 01:13:36,954 --> 01:13:40,629 “blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy''. 860 01:13:41,292 --> 01:13:44,387 “And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon 861 01:13:44,462 --> 01:13:49,434 “the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans 862 01:13:49,967 --> 01:13:52,390 “and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and..'' 863 01:13:52,470 --> 01:13:53,972 Skip a bit, Brother. 864 01:13:55,765 --> 01:14:00,521 “The Lord spake, saying, ‘First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, 865 01:14:01,354 --> 01:14:05,780 “then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. 866 01:14:06,692 --> 01:14:09,366 “Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, 867 01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:12,449 ''and the number of the counting shalt be three. 868 01:14:13,032 --> 01:14:16,662 “Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, 869 01:14:17,203 --> 01:14:19,877 ''excepting that thou then proceed to three. 870 01:14:21,207 --> 01:14:23,551 “Five is right out. 871 01:14:24,710 --> 01:14:28,214 “Once the number three, being the third number be reached, 872 01:14:28,631 --> 01:14:31,885 “then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch 873 01:14:32,009 --> 01:14:35,730 “towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, 874 01:14:36,389 --> 01:14:38,062 “shall snuff it.” 875 01:14:38,724 --> 01:14:41,147 Amen. 876 01:14:41,227 --> 01:14:42,319 Right. 877 01:14:42,979 --> 01:14:45,232 One, two, five! 878 01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:47,191 -Three, sir! Three! 879 01:15:33,154 --> 01:15:34,656 There! Look! 880 01:15:35,573 --> 01:15:37,951 -What does it say? -What language is that? 881 01:15:38,034 --> 01:15:40,287 Brother Maynard, you’re our scholar. 882 01:15:40,453 --> 01:15:42,000 It is Aramaic! 883 01:15:42,329 --> 01:15:45,208 Of course. Joseph of Arimathea! 884 01:15:45,541 --> 01:15:47,635 -Of course. -What does it say? 885 01:15:47,752 --> 01:15:51,097 It reads, “Here may be found 886 01:15:51,172 --> 01:15:54,802 “the last words of Joseph of Arimathea 887 01:15:55,509 --> 01:15:58,763 He who is valiant and pure of spirit 888 01:15:59,555 --> 01:16:01,774 ‘may find the Holy Grail 889 01:16:02,099 --> 01:16:06,400 “in the Castle of Aaargh.’’ 890 01:16:08,314 --> 01:16:09,486 What? 891 01:16:10,232 --> 01:16:14,078 “The Castle of Aaargh.” 892 01:16:14,737 --> 01:16:15,989 What is that? 893 01:16:16,530 --> 01:16:18,749 He must have died while carving it. 894 01:16:18,824 --> 01:16:21,668 -Come on! -Thats what it says. 895 01:16:21,786 --> 01:16:25,381 Look, if he was dying, he wouldn’t bother to carve “Aaargh.” 896 01:16:25,581 --> 01:16:29,006 -He’d just say it. -That’s what’s carved in the rock. 897 01:16:29,376 --> 01:16:31,378 -Perhaps he was dictating it. -Shut up! 898 01:16:31,462 --> 01:16:33,760 -Does it say anything else? -No! 899 01:16:33,839 --> 01:16:37,093 Just “Aaargh.” 900 01:16:39,053 --> 01:16:41,476 Aaargh. 901 01:16:41,555 --> 01:16:45,310 Do you suppose he meant the Camargue? 902 01:16:45,392 --> 01:16:47,394 -Where’s that? -In France, I think. 903 01:16:47,478 --> 01:16:52,279 -Isn’t there a St. Aaargh’s in Cornwall? -No, that’s St. Ives. 904 01:16:52,566 --> 01:16:54,739 St. Ives. 905 01:16:56,904 --> 01:16:59,453 No, “Aaargh.” At the back of the throat. 906 01:16:59,532 --> 01:17:02,661 No, ‘Ooh,’ in surprise and alarm! 907 01:17:02,910 --> 01:17:05,663 -You mean a sort of an “Ah!” -Yes, that’s right. 908 01:17:07,373 --> 01:17:08,374 My God! 909 01:17:11,210 --> 01:17:13,884 It’s the legendary Black Beast ... 910 01:17:16,173 --> 01:17:19,143 That’s it! Run away! 911 01:17:28,894 --> 01:17:30,396 Keep running. 912 01:17:35,192 --> 01:17:36,489 We’ve lost him. 913 01:17:38,279 --> 01:17:41,032 As the horrendous Black Beast lunged foiward, 914 01:17:41,740 --> 01:17:44,539 escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless. 915 01:17:44,618 --> 01:17:48,623 When, suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack. 916 01:17:48,956 --> 01:17:51,550 The cartoon peril was no more. 917 01:17:52,334 --> 01:17:55,213 The quest for the Holy Grail could continue. 918 01:18:07,349 --> 01:18:08,976 There it is! 919 01:18:09,226 --> 01:18:13,447 -The Bridge of Death. -Great. 920 01:18:13,606 --> 01:18:16,576 Look! There’s the old man from Scene 24. 921 01:18:16,650 --> 01:18:20,405 -What’s he doing here? -He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. 922 01:18:20,905 --> 01:18:23,249 He asks each traveler five questions. 923 01:18:23,324 --> 01:18:25,292 -Three questions! -Three questions. 924 01:18:25,367 --> 01:18:28,962 -He who answers the five questions... -Three questions. 925 01:18:29,038 --> 01:18:33,509 -... three questions, may cross in safety. -What if you get a question wrong? 926 01:18:33,584 --> 01:18:37,088 Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. 927 01:18:37,338 --> 01:18:40,512 -Oh, wacko. -Who’s going to answer the questions? 928 01:18:40,633 --> 01:18:43,477 Brave Sir Robin, you go. 929 01:18:44,220 --> 01:18:46,222 I’ve got a great idea. 930 01:18:46,847 --> 01:18:48,394 Why doesn’t Lancelot go? 931 01:18:48,474 --> 01:18:51,227 Yes, let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. 932 01:18:51,310 --> 01:18:54,985 -I shall make a feint to the northeast... -Hang on! 933 01:18:55,189 --> 01:18:57,817 -Just answer the five questions... -Three questions. 934 01:18:57,900 --> 01:19:01,905 ...three questions, as best you can. And we shall watch and pray. 935 01:19:02,112 --> 01:19:03,955 I understand, my liege. 936 01:19:04,198 --> 01:19:07,828 Good luck, brave Sir Lancelot. God be with you. 937 01:19:12,289 --> 01:19:13,336 Stop! 938 01:19:14,917 --> 01:19:19,548 Who would cross the Bridge of Death, must answer me these questions three. 939 01:19:19,713 --> 01:19:21,932 Ere the other side he see. 940 01:19:22,132 --> 01:19:25,136 Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I’m not afraid. 941 01:19:25,386 --> 01:19:29,311 -What is your name? -My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot. 942 01:19:30,057 --> 01:19:31,809 What is your quest? 943 01:19:32,059 --> 01:19:34,107 To seek the Holy Grail. 944 01:19:34,603 --> 01:19:36,731 What is your favorite color? 945 01:19:37,189 --> 01:19:39,442 -Blue. -Right. Off you go. 946 01:19:40,901 --> 01:19:42,824 Well, thank you very much. 947 01:19:47,283 --> 01:19:48,500 That’s easy. 948 01:19:51,537 --> 01:19:52,584 Stop. 949 01:19:53,330 --> 01:19:58,006 Who approacheth the Bridge of Death, must answer me these questions three. 950 01:19:58,377 --> 01:20:00,596 Ere the other side he see. 951 01:20:01,422 --> 01:20:04,175 Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I’m not afraid. 952 01:20:04,258 --> 01:20:07,888 -What is your name? -Sir Robin of Camelot. 953 01:20:08,345 --> 01:20:11,474 -What is your quest? -To seek the Holy Grail. 954 01:20:11,807 --> 01:20:13,935 What is the capital of Assyria? 955 01:20:16,770 --> 01:20:18,067 I don’t know that! 956 01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:27,914 Stop! 957 01:20:28,824 --> 01:20:32,374 -What is your name? -Sir Galahad of Camelot. 958 01:20:32,578 --> 01:20:36,003 -What is your quest? -I seek the Grail. 959 01:20:36,915 --> 01:20:40,010 -What is your favorite color? -Blue. 960 01:20:40,836 --> 01:20:41,883 No! Yellow! 961 01:20:49,345 --> 01:20:50,392 Stop! 962 01:20:50,596 --> 01:20:54,692 -What is your name? -It is Arthur, King of the Britons. 963 01:20:55,100 --> 01:20:58,775 -What is your quest? -To seek the Holy Grail. 964 01:20:59,605 --> 01:21:02,950 What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? 965 01:21:03,734 --> 01:21:06,613 What do you mean? An African or European swallow? 966 01:21:07,613 --> 01:21:09,115 I don’t know that! 967 01:21:15,412 --> 01:21:17,790 How do you know so much about swallows? 968 01:21:17,915 --> 01:21:20,589 You have to know these things when you’re a king. 969 01:22:00,457 --> 01:22:01,504 Lancelot! 970 01:22:07,965 --> 01:22:09,012 Lancelot! 971 01:22:17,850 --> 01:22:19,193 Lancelot! 972 01:24:08,794 --> 01:24:13,140 The Castle Aaargh. Our quest is at an end. 973 01:24:31,817 --> 01:24:33,410 God be praised. 974 01:24:36,989 --> 01:24:38,411 Almighty God, 975 01:24:38,490 --> 01:24:42,415 we thank thee, that thou hast vouchsafed to us the most holy... 976 01:24:44,496 --> 01:24:46,624 Jesus Christ! 977 01:24:47,833 --> 01:24:50,086 Hello, stuffy English knights 978 01:24:50,168 --> 01:24:53,092 and Monsieur Arthur King, who has the brain of a duck, you know. 979 01:24:53,171 --> 01:24:56,220 So, we French fellows outwit you a second time. 980 01:24:56,300 --> 01:24:59,304 How dare you profane this place with your presence? 981 01:24:59,845 --> 01:25:03,770 I command you, in the name of the knights of Camelot, 982 01:25:04,016 --> 01:25:06,986 to open the doors of this sacred castlel 983 01:25:07,185 --> 01:25:10,655 to which God himself has guided us. 984 01:25:10,856 --> 01:25:15,862 How you English say? One more time, I unclog my nose in your direction, 985 01:25:16,153 --> 01:25:17,621 Sons of a window-dresser! 986 01:25:17,696 --> 01:25:20,290 So, you think you couId out-clever us French folk 987 01:25:20,365 --> 01:25:23,960 with your silly knees-bent, running about, advancing behavior. 988 01:25:24,036 --> 01:25:26,835 I wave my private parts at your aunties. 989 01:25:27,122 --> 01:25:31,719 You cheesy lot of second-hand electric donkey-bottom biters! 990 01:25:31,793 --> 01:25:33,887 In the name of the Lord, 991 01:25:34,004 --> 01:25:37,725 we demand entrance to this sacred castle! 992 01:25:37,841 --> 01:25:40,640 No chance, English bed-wetting types. 993 01:25:40,719 --> 01:25:44,974 I burst my pimples at you, and call your door-opening request a silly thing! 994 01:25:45,057 --> 01:25:48,482 You tiny-brained wipers of other people’s bottoms. 995 01:25:48,560 --> 01:25:52,235 If you’ll not open this door, we shall take this castle by force! 996 01:25:54,066 --> 01:25:56,569 In the name of God and the glory of our... 997 01:25:58,236 --> 01:26:00,739 Right! That settles it! 998 01:26:01,573 --> 01:26:04,668 Depart at this time, and donut be approaching any more, 999 01:26:04,743 --> 01:26:09,499 or we fire arrows into your heads, and make castanets out of your testicles. 1000 01:26:09,581 --> 01:26:11,174 Walk away, just ignore them. 1001 01:26:11,249 --> 01:26:15,220 And now remain gone, illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! 1002 01:26:15,337 --> 01:26:20,013 And, if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain’t heard 1003 01:26:20,092 --> 01:26:23,596 nothing yet, stuffy English knights! 1004 01:26:45,450 --> 01:26:48,579 -We shall attack at once. -Yes, my liege. 1005 01:26:48,745 --> 01:26:50,622 Stand by for attack! 1006 01:27:50,265 --> 01:27:51,687 French persons! 1007 01:27:52,601 --> 01:27:56,356 Today the blood of many a valiant knight shall be avenged. 1008 01:27:56,938 --> 01:28:00,283 In the name of God, we shall not stop our fight 1009 01:28:00,358 --> 01:28:05,159 till each one of you lies dead, and the Holy Grail 1010 01:28:05,280 --> 01:28:08,875 returns to those whom God has chosen. 1011 01:28:10,327 --> 01:28:13,331 Charge! 1012 01:28:38,980 --> 01:28:41,403 Yes, they’re the ones, I’m sure. 1013 01:28:47,072 --> 01:28:49,700 -Come on. -Put this man in the van. 1014 01:28:53,578 --> 01:28:56,422 -Put him in the van. -Get a blanket over that one. 1015 01:28:56,706 --> 01:28:59,255 Come on, back! Right back! 1016 01:29:01,503 --> 01:29:03,756 That’s an offensive weapon, that is 1017 01:29:07,050 --> 01:29:09,348 All right, sonny, that’s enough. Pack that in.