1 00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:02,599 Thank you. 2 00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,982 All right, good night. 3 00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:15,821 Thank you, thank you very much indeed. My name is Eric ldle. 4 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,826 And if you think you're here to see Billy ldol... 5 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,537 ...you can bugger off now, okay? 6 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:28,751 Tonight we celebrate the Ruby Jubilee of Monty Python. 7 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:40,596 That's right, we're celebrating 400 years... 8 00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,848 ...of some of these jokes. 9 00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:46,477 And tonight we have for you a premiere. 10 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:49,396 We have this fantastic band... 11 00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:00,699 ...from the BBC. 12 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,994 And tonight they're under the baton of a wonderful man... 13 00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:07,081 ...a great partner of mine, a great composer... 14 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:09,750 ...and a great friend, John Du Prez. 15 00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:21,845 Now, tonight there will be one or two surprise guests... 16 00:04:22,054 --> 00:04:25,516 ...so if you spot them, please act surprised, okay? 17 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,184 And respond accordingly. 18 00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:30,938 But first will you welcome, please, our soloists for tonight... 19 00:04:31,397 --> 00:04:34,692 ...Christopher Purves, Shannon Mercer... 20 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:37,361 ...William Ferguson and Rosalind Plowright. 21 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:45,035 And in order to start the oratorio... 22 00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:48,664 ...will you please welcome somebody very special indeed... 23 00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:53,043 ...who's playing the narrator tonight, Mrs. Betty Palin. 24 00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:22,573 Why do they titter so? 25 00:05:57,232 --> 00:06:00,486 You know, l'd never heard of Monty Python... 26 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,280 ...until one day in 1 940. 27 00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:08,285 lt was early in the war and things were going very badly for our boys. 28 00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:13,832 There was a shortage of lipstick and many of the men had to share nylons. 29 00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:16,585 ln a small hotel near Henley... 30 00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:19,797 ...where l'd gone for a weekend with a rear admiral... 31 00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:23,592 ...l found a book that was to change my life... 32 00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:27,972 ...and eventually my sex. 33 00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:32,518 ln 1 942, after a brief naval operation... 34 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,479 ...l became a woman... 35 00:06:35,688 --> 00:06:39,525 ...and moved to Canada to become a lumberjack. 36 00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:45,864 And then on to Alaska to give birth to a governor... 37 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,367 ...but that's another story. 38 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,500 The book l found... 39 00:06:56,709 --> 00:07:00,296 ...was by someone called Monty Python. 40 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:02,214 And it was called: 41 00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:06,302 The Book of Brian. 42 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,790 The Book of Brian 43 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,922 From The Book of Brian 44 00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:47,718 And at that time 45 00:07:47,927 --> 00:07:50,220 There shall be chaos 46 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,265 Chaos 47 00:07:53,557 --> 00:07:54,725 Chaos 48 00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:56,310 Chaos 49 00:07:56,769 --> 00:07:59,897 Chaos, chaos, chaos, chaos Chaos, chaos, chaos, chaos 50 00:08:00,231 --> 00:08:02,399 Chaos 51 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:05,110 And confusion 52 00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:07,071 Confusion 53 00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,822 Confusion 54 00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,407 Confusion 55 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,576 Chaos, chaos, chaos, chaos 56 00:08:12,785 --> 00:08:16,997 Chaos, chaos, chaos and confusion 57 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,335 Chaos and confusion 58 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:25,089 Chaos and confusion 59 00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:26,924 Chaos, chaos, chaos, chaos 60 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:30,844 Chaos, chaos, chaos and confusion 61 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,931 And irritation 62 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:37,643 Oh, damn, damn, damn, damn Damn, damn, damn, damn 63 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:42,523 Damn, damn, damn, damn Damn, damn, damn, damnation 64 00:08:42,982 --> 00:08:44,441 Damnation 65 00:08:44,817 --> 00:08:45,943 Damnation 66 00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,195 Damnation 67 00:08:48,404 --> 00:08:49,780 Damnation 68 00:08:50,281 --> 00:08:53,284 Chaos and confusion 69 00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:57,288 Chaos and confusion 70 00:08:57,496 --> 00:09:00,583 Chaos and damnation 71 00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:04,378 Chaos and damnation 72 00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:06,213 Chaos, chaos, chaos, chaos 73 00:09:06,422 --> 00:09:09,800 Chaos, chaos, chaos and confusion 74 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,635 Chaos, chaos, chaos, chaos 75 00:09:11,844 --> 00:09:14,555 Chaos, chaos, chaos and damnation 76 00:09:14,805 --> 00:09:16,557 And disagreement 77 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:18,934 -l don't agree -l disagree 78 00:09:19,143 --> 00:09:20,728 -You're telling me -l don't agree 79 00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:22,062 You don't agree with me? 80 00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:24,064 -Oh, no -l don't agree with all of you 81 00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:26,483 -And so, what's that supposed to mean? -Don't know 82 00:09:26,692 --> 00:09:28,986 -l disagree -You're telling me you don't agree 83 00:09:29,195 --> 00:09:31,488 l disagree with all of you 84 00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:33,324 -l'm right -You're wrong 85 00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:35,284 -l'm right -You're wrong 86 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:36,911 -l'm right -You're wrong 87 00:09:37,119 --> 00:09:38,370 l'm right, you're wrong 88 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,122 -l don't agree -l disagree 89 00:09:40,331 --> 00:09:42,333 -You're telling me -l don't agree 90 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:43,834 -Don't agree with me? -Oh, no 91 00:09:44,043 --> 00:09:45,419 l disagree with all of you 92 00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,338 And so, what's that supposed to mean? 93 00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:48,672 -Don't know -l disagree 94 00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:50,674 You're telling me you don't agree 95 00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:53,344 Oh, get lost! Shut up! 96 00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:07,024 There was a general feeling That the end of the world was nigh 97 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,656 There shall be monsters 98 00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:17,159 There shall be monsters 99 00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:20,496 There shall be monsters 100 00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:26,377 With swollen bellies and great big lips 101 00:10:27,044 --> 00:10:30,548 And the beast shall have six heads 102 00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:33,884 And will run about the streets 103 00:10:34,260 --> 00:10:37,388 On 1 2 legs shouting '' Fire!'' 104 00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:41,058 On 1 2 legs shouting '' Fire!'' 105 00:10:41,267 --> 00:10:44,687 On 1 2 legs shouting '' Fire!'' 106 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:48,065 ln crowded places 107 00:10:48,524 --> 00:10:52,069 There shall be monsters 108 00:10:52,278 --> 00:10:55,739 There shall be monsters 109 00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:59,243 There shall be monsters 110 00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:03,747 With swollen bellies and great big lips 111 00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:09,336 -And the beast shall have six heads -And the beast shall have six heads 112 00:11:09,545 --> 00:11:12,256 -And will run about the streets -And will run about the streets 113 00:11:12,465 --> 00:11:16,218 -On 1 2 legs shouting '' Fire!'' -Fire, fire, fire, fire 114 00:11:16,427 --> 00:11:19,597 -On 1 2 legs shouting '' Fire!'' -Fire, fire, fire, fire 115 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:23,851 -On 1 2 legs shouting '' Fire!'' -Fire, fire, fire, fire, fire 116 00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:26,770 ln crowded places 117 00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:29,899 -And a 1 6-breasted Gorgon -And a 1 6-breasted Gorgon 118 00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:33,611 -Shall squat on a pole -Shall squat on a pole 119 00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:35,696 Singing in French 120 00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:44,580 And some will say this is crap 121 00:11:45,164 --> 00:11:48,125 And religion is a trap 122 00:11:49,168 --> 00:11:52,963 And instead of reading prophecies 123 00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:57,635 You'd far better take a nap 124 00:11:58,594 --> 00:12:02,348 But other people 125 00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:05,518 Will be sore afraid 126 00:12:08,229 --> 00:12:10,523 Other people 127 00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:13,859 Will be sore afraid 128 00:12:16,112 --> 00:12:18,280 Other people 129 00:12:18,489 --> 00:12:22,076 Will be sore afraid 130 00:12:23,119 --> 00:12:25,371 And cry out 131 00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:31,377 Unto their Lord 132 00:12:32,253 --> 00:12:35,631 O God, you are so big 133 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:39,510 You are so very huge 134 00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:40,970 My word 135 00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:45,850 What a size you are 136 00:12:46,225 --> 00:12:49,770 And we are tiny in thy sight 137 00:12:49,979 --> 00:12:54,191 So very small and very grotty 138 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:57,945 And smelly and stupid 139 00:12:58,154 --> 00:13:02,199 And cheesy and spotty 140 00:13:02,908 --> 00:13:06,370 -You are so big -You are so big 141 00:13:06,579 --> 00:13:09,874 -We are so small -We are so small 142 00:13:10,249 --> 00:13:13,753 -You are so huge -You are so huge 143 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:17,548 -We are so tiny -We are so tiny 144 00:13:17,757 --> 00:13:19,967 You are so big 145 00:13:20,176 --> 00:13:22,762 And we are naughty 146 00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:28,893 ln thy sight 147 00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:33,355 O God, you are so big 148 00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:37,068 You are so very huge 149 00:13:37,276 --> 00:13:38,486 My word 150 00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:43,574 What a size you are 151 00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:47,495 And we are tiny in thy sight 152 00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:52,124 So very small and very grotty 153 00:13:52,333 --> 00:13:55,753 And smelly and stupid 154 00:13:55,961 --> 00:14:00,091 And cheesy and spotty 155 00:14:00,633 --> 00:14:04,345 -You are so big -You are so big 156 00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:07,973 -We are so small -We are so small 157 00:14:08,224 --> 00:14:11,602 -You are so huge -You are so huge 158 00:14:11,811 --> 00:14:15,481 -We are so tiny -We are so tiny 159 00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:17,858 You are so big 160 00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:20,903 And we are naughty 161 00:14:21,112 --> 00:14:25,449 -ln -ln 162 00:14:25,658 --> 00:14:31,706 Thy sight 163 00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:43,300 The evangelist Monty tells of... 164 00:14:43,509 --> 00:14:47,179 ...the rather less than immaculate conception of Brian. 165 00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:56,397 There was a young woman Called Mandy 166 00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:59,734 A friend of the Lord's 167 00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:02,653 Who sold gourds in a stall 168 00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:08,284 Oh, who will buy my pretty gourds? 169 00:15:08,993 --> 00:15:11,037 Round and small 170 00:15:11,245 --> 00:15:15,374 Five shekels for them all 171 00:15:15,583 --> 00:15:19,378 Along came a Roman centurion 172 00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:23,174 -Nice gourds -Said he 173 00:15:25,468 --> 00:15:27,762 Mind if l touch 'em? 174 00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:32,850 -Dream on -Said she 175 00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:38,230 No one gets to touch my gourds 176 00:15:38,564 --> 00:15:40,775 Till l see 177 00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:45,780 The rewards for me 178 00:15:46,322 --> 00:15:50,618 -Nothing is free -Well-- 179 00:15:50,826 --> 00:15:54,705 He promised me Half the then-known world 180 00:15:55,206 --> 00:15:57,041 Asses' milk 181 00:15:57,249 --> 00:16:02,046 To bathe in every day 182 00:16:02,254 --> 00:16:05,967 All the gold that l could eat 183 00:16:06,592 --> 00:16:09,011 A house in Rome 184 00:16:09,220 --> 00:16:13,140 Right on the Appian Way 185 00:16:16,435 --> 00:16:20,564 Soon he had his way with her 186 00:16:21,107 --> 00:16:24,819 Proved he was a man 187 00:16:25,861 --> 00:16:29,407 But like a rat out of an aqueduct 188 00:16:30,449 --> 00:16:34,161 When he was done, he ran 189 00:16:34,954 --> 00:16:38,958 Mandy was abandoned 190 00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:41,585 All alone 191 00:16:41,794 --> 00:16:46,090 Where was she to go? 192 00:16:47,550 --> 00:16:51,762 Oh, woe, woe, woe 193 00:16:51,971 --> 00:16:53,222 -Woe, woe, woe, woe -Woe, woe, woe 194 00:16:53,431 --> 00:16:53,764 -Woe, woe, woe -Woe, woe, woe 195 00:16:53,764 --> 00:16:54,473 -Woe, woe, woe -Woe, woe, woe 196 00:16:56,601 --> 00:16:57,810 -Woe, woe, woe, woe -Woe, woe, woe 197 00:16:58,019 --> 00:16:59,353 -Woe, woe, woe -Woe, woe, woe 198 00:16:59,562 --> 00:17:01,063 Woe, woe, woe 199 00:17:01,355 --> 00:17:04,150 Alone, abandoned, and worse 200 00:17:06,152 --> 00:17:09,030 Six weeks without the curse 201 00:17:10,740 --> 00:17:12,658 Such rotten luck 202 00:17:12,867 --> 00:17:15,077 She was knocked up 203 00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:18,456 Woe, oh, woe, oh, woe 204 00:17:18,664 --> 00:17:20,124 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 205 00:17:20,333 --> 00:17:24,670 Alone without a husband 206 00:17:24,879 --> 00:17:29,216 -What's to become of me? -Not a lot 207 00:17:29,425 --> 00:17:31,385 Where can l turn? 208 00:17:31,594 --> 00:17:33,638 And what can l do? 209 00:17:33,846 --> 00:17:38,601 -What chance for my progeny? -None whatever 210 00:17:38,809 --> 00:17:42,980 ln an utterly male-dominated world 211 00:17:43,189 --> 00:17:47,318 ln a Middle East society 212 00:17:48,027 --> 00:17:52,740 A woman who is not married at all 213 00:17:52,949 --> 00:17:58,454 -What kind of chance has she? -Not a snowball's chance in hell 214 00:17:58,663 --> 00:18:02,166 -The time drew nigh -Nigh, nigh, nigh, nigh, nigh, nigh 215 00:18:02,375 --> 00:18:06,754 -For now there is really no doubt -No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no 216 00:18:06,963 --> 00:18:11,175 That she was clearly great with child 217 00:18:11,634 --> 00:18:14,804 And really not bad without 218 00:18:15,012 --> 00:18:17,098 Know what l mean Say no more 219 00:18:17,306 --> 00:18:18,474 Nudge, nudge 220 00:18:47,044 --> 00:18:48,462 Bethlehem in Judea. 221 00:18:49,088 --> 00:18:50,715 Nought BC. 222 00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:10,026 And there were shepherds Abiding in the fields 223 00:19:10,234 --> 00:19:14,238 Keeping watch o'er their flocks By night 224 00:19:14,947 --> 00:19:19,160 And there were shepherds Abiding in the fields 225 00:19:19,368 --> 00:19:23,915 Keeping watch o'er their flocks By night 226 00:19:24,290 --> 00:19:28,085 Oh, we are humble shepherds And our flocks we keep 227 00:19:28,586 --> 00:19:32,673 There's nothing we like better Than just watching sheep 228 00:19:33,132 --> 00:19:37,094 We count them every day and night Until we fall asleep 229 00:19:37,303 --> 00:19:41,641 And then we count them once again 'Cause we love sheep 230 00:19:41,849 --> 00:19:46,270 Sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep Sheep, sheep, sheep 231 00:19:46,479 --> 00:19:50,358 Sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep Sheep, sheep, sheep 232 00:19:50,566 --> 00:19:54,737 They're full of woolly thinking lntellectually not deep 233 00:19:54,946 --> 00:19:57,114 But never mind their minds We finds 234 00:19:57,323 --> 00:19:59,075 We all love sheep 235 00:20:03,788 --> 00:20:08,000 l wouldn't watch a flock of birds Peep peep peep 236 00:20:08,209 --> 00:20:12,463 And watching flocks of cats Would just make my skin creep 237 00:20:12,672 --> 00:20:16,801 And watching bloody camels ls enough to make you weep 238 00:20:17,009 --> 00:20:21,389 They gives us all the hump Because we all love sheep 239 00:20:21,597 --> 00:20:24,725 Sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep Sheep, sheep, sheep 240 00:20:26,185 --> 00:20:30,106 Sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep Sheep, sheep, sheep 241 00:20:30,314 --> 00:20:34,443 They're nicer than a wife And they are certainly more cheap 242 00:20:34,652 --> 00:20:38,656 And you can eat them afterwards And get some sleep 243 00:20:41,367 --> 00:20:47,832 We all love sheep 244 00:20:59,343 --> 00:21:02,889 ls it A.D. yet? 245 00:21:03,723 --> 00:21:05,141 About a quarter to. 246 00:21:14,692 --> 00:21:18,446 Look, in the sky over Bethlehem! 247 00:21:18,654 --> 00:21:21,115 Jesus Christ! 248 00:21:21,491 --> 00:21:23,201 No, next door. 249 00:21:23,618 --> 00:21:26,078 Oh, Mrs. Cohen's. 250 00:21:28,581 --> 00:21:31,876 Oh, blimey, it's a boy. 251 00:21:32,376 --> 00:21:34,253 He was born in a stable 252 00:21:37,048 --> 00:21:40,927 -ln a far distant land -Amen, brother. 253 00:21:41,135 --> 00:21:44,555 He was born on a table 254 00:21:45,264 --> 00:21:49,227 The only thing handy 255 00:21:49,435 --> 00:21:53,606 To a woman named Mandy 256 00:21:53,815 --> 00:21:59,403 This man we call Brian 257 00:22:00,113 --> 00:22:02,782 He was not the chosen one 258 00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:05,743 Not the hero of his race 259 00:22:05,952 --> 00:22:10,748 Just the wrong man at the wrong time ln the wrong place 260 00:22:10,957 --> 00:22:13,668 He was not the chosen one 261 00:22:13,876 --> 00:22:19,090 Not the hero of his race 262 00:22:19,424 --> 00:22:23,386 Just the wrong man at the wrong time 263 00:22:23,594 --> 00:22:26,264 ln the wrong place 264 00:22:26,889 --> 00:22:31,102 This man that we call 265 00:22:31,769 --> 00:22:33,688 Brian 266 00:22:34,188 --> 00:22:36,399 Brian 267 00:22:37,066 --> 00:22:42,530 Brian 268 00:22:52,874 --> 00:22:57,545 And the young boy Brian Grew to be a man 269 00:22:57,754 --> 00:23:02,341 ln all the usual places 270 00:23:02,550 --> 00:23:07,055 And dreamed of doing Very naughty things 271 00:23:07,263 --> 00:23:11,642 To girls with lovely faces 272 00:23:11,851 --> 00:23:16,647 l dreamed that girls Wearing only underwear 273 00:23:16,856 --> 00:23:21,152 Undressed me and caressed me 274 00:23:21,569 --> 00:23:26,240 They rubbed me and scrubbed me And tubbed me in warm oil 275 00:23:26,449 --> 00:23:30,828 And on my body they pressed me 276 00:23:31,079 --> 00:23:32,622 And his mother said: 277 00:23:32,997 --> 00:23:35,792 Brian, leave it alone 278 00:23:36,209 --> 00:23:40,880 And stop this sighing and moaning 279 00:23:41,172 --> 00:23:45,718 Take those naughty scrolls And throw them on the coals 280 00:23:45,927 --> 00:23:50,098 Or we'll be late for the stoning 281 00:23:50,306 --> 00:23:55,061 l am not coming with you, Mother dear 282 00:23:55,728 --> 00:23:59,190 Stoning is so depressing 283 00:24:00,566 --> 00:24:05,279 l have something that l want to say 284 00:24:05,738 --> 00:24:10,034 That you may find distressing 285 00:24:12,537 --> 00:24:15,707 l want to change the world 286 00:24:17,333 --> 00:24:21,587 To set my people free 287 00:24:23,631 --> 00:24:28,052 Suddenly l can see 288 00:24:28,761 --> 00:24:33,933 What was meant to be 289 00:24:34,559 --> 00:24:37,395 This is a promised land 290 00:24:38,771 --> 00:24:44,068 A place we can call home 291 00:24:44,902 --> 00:24:49,907 l foresee our destiny 292 00:24:50,116 --> 00:24:55,496 One day free from Rome 293 00:24:55,705 --> 00:24:58,666 Once we're free 294 00:24:59,792 --> 00:25:04,922 From Roman tyranny 295 00:25:05,715 --> 00:25:10,219 We can live quite happily 296 00:25:10,428 --> 00:25:16,392 ln Galilee 297 00:25:16,601 --> 00:25:19,687 And so let's change the world 298 00:25:20,980 --> 00:25:26,903 Let's make the whole world see 299 00:25:27,111 --> 00:25:29,072 We are freer 300 00:25:29,822 --> 00:25:31,824 ln Judea 301 00:25:32,033 --> 00:25:36,996 Than anyone could hope 302 00:25:37,330 --> 00:25:42,126 To be 303 00:25:42,335 --> 00:25:46,214 Freedom, freedom, freedom Freedom, now l'm free 304 00:25:46,631 --> 00:25:50,301 Freedom, freedom, freedom Now l'm free 305 00:25:50,510 --> 00:25:53,262 Just give me freedom, freedom 306 00:25:53,471 --> 00:25:55,515 That is all l need 307 00:25:55,723 --> 00:25:59,185 Hallelujah, now l'm free 308 00:26:00,186 --> 00:26:04,482 Freedom, freedom, freedom Freedom, now l'm free 309 00:26:04,691 --> 00:26:08,236 Freedom, freedom, freedom Now l'm free 310 00:26:08,444 --> 00:26:11,322 Just give me freedom, freedom 311 00:26:11,531 --> 00:26:13,533 That is all l need 312 00:26:13,741 --> 00:26:17,078 Hallelujah, now l'm free 313 00:26:17,287 --> 00:26:19,747 -Just give me freedom -Freedom, freedom 314 00:26:19,956 --> 00:26:21,582 Now l'm free 315 00:26:22,166 --> 00:26:26,254 -l said freedom -Freedom, freedom, now l'm free 316 00:26:26,462 --> 00:26:29,257 Just give me freedom, freedom 317 00:26:29,465 --> 00:26:31,301 That is all l need 318 00:26:31,509 --> 00:26:35,847 Hallelujah, now l'm free Oh, yeah 319 00:26:36,514 --> 00:26:42,186 Hallelujah, now l'm free 320 00:26:42,770 --> 00:26:49,319 Oh, yeah 321 00:26:54,866 --> 00:26:58,036 Sentimental claptrap. 322 00:26:58,286 --> 00:27:00,371 What do you know of freedom? 323 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:02,749 Freedom from the Romans. 324 00:27:02,957 --> 00:27:05,960 That's a joke. You are a Roman. 325 00:27:06,753 --> 00:27:08,588 No, l'm not, l'm a Jew. 326 00:27:08,796 --> 00:27:11,215 Your father was a Roman. 327 00:27:11,424 --> 00:27:13,176 What? Mr. Cohen? 328 00:27:13,384 --> 00:27:18,264 No, not Mr. Cohen. That's your cousin's brother. 329 00:27:18,473 --> 00:27:20,350 Your real father was a Roman. 330 00:27:20,850 --> 00:27:21,851 Oh, no. 331 00:27:22,185 --> 00:27:24,479 Oh, woe, woe, woe. 332 00:27:24,687 --> 00:27:25,897 -Woe, woe, woe, woe -Woe, woe, woe 333 00:27:26,105 --> 00:27:27,398 -Woe, woe, woe -Woe, woe, woe 334 00:27:27,607 --> 00:27:29,108 Woe, woe, woe 335 00:27:29,317 --> 00:27:30,568 -Woe, woe, woe, woe -Woe, woe, woe 336 00:27:30,777 --> 00:27:31,903 -Woe, woe, woe -Woe, woe, woe 337 00:27:32,111 --> 00:27:33,863 Shut up! 338 00:27:36,783 --> 00:27:38,618 l am struck dumb. 339 00:27:39,202 --> 00:27:41,079 Dumb, dumb, dumb 340 00:27:41,287 --> 00:27:44,207 Doo waddy waddy dum Dum, dum, dum, dum 341 00:27:44,415 --> 00:27:46,501 Doo waddy waddy dum Dum, dum-- 342 00:27:46,709 --> 00:27:48,586 Shut up! 343 00:27:49,963 --> 00:27:52,173 l am going to avenge you, Mother. 344 00:27:52,382 --> 00:27:55,051 Rome will rue the day they invaded you. 345 00:27:55,260 --> 00:27:59,430 l shall seek out the enemies of Rome and join them. 346 00:28:06,229 --> 00:28:08,064 The Romans are all bastards 347 00:28:08,273 --> 00:28:10,608 They have bled us till we're white 348 00:28:10,817 --> 00:28:15,029 They've taken everything we've got As if it was their right 349 00:28:15,405 --> 00:28:17,365 And we've got nothing in return 350 00:28:17,574 --> 00:28:19,826 Though they make so much fuss 351 00:28:20,285 --> 00:28:24,330 What have the Romans Ever done for us? 352 00:28:24,956 --> 00:28:29,085 What have the Romans What have the Romans 353 00:28:29,294 --> 00:28:33,423 What have the Romans Ever done for us? 354 00:28:34,215 --> 00:28:36,843 -The aqueduct. -What? 355 00:28:37,468 --> 00:28:41,139 They gave us the aqueduct. 356 00:28:44,684 --> 00:28:46,811 Oh, yes, they did give us that That's true 357 00:28:47,020 --> 00:28:49,439 -And sanitation -Yes, that too 358 00:28:49,647 --> 00:28:54,819 The aqueduct, l'll grant is one Thing the Romans may have done 359 00:28:55,361 --> 00:28:57,697 And the roads, now they're all new 360 00:28:58,072 --> 00:29:00,658 And the great wines too 361 00:29:00,867 --> 00:29:03,828 Well, apart from The wines and fermentation 362 00:29:04,037 --> 00:29:06,247 And the canals for navigation 363 00:29:06,456 --> 00:29:09,000 And public health for all the nation 364 00:29:09,209 --> 00:29:12,212 Apart from those, which are a plus 365 00:29:12,420 --> 00:29:15,340 What have the Romans Ever done for us? 366 00:29:15,673 --> 00:29:19,761 What have the Romans What have the Romans 367 00:29:19,969 --> 00:29:23,848 What have the Romans Ever done for us? 368 00:29:24,724 --> 00:29:26,768 -The baths. -What? 369 00:29:26,976 --> 00:29:28,102 The public baths. 370 00:29:28,436 --> 00:29:30,480 Oh, yes, Reg. 371 00:29:30,688 --> 00:29:33,191 The public baths are a great delight 372 00:29:33,399 --> 00:29:36,069 And it's safe to walk ln the streets at night 373 00:29:36,277 --> 00:29:37,654 -Cheese -And medicine 374 00:29:37,862 --> 00:29:38,947 lrrigation 375 00:29:39,155 --> 00:29:41,533 -Roman law -And education 376 00:29:41,741 --> 00:29:44,577 The circus for our delectation 377 00:29:44,786 --> 00:29:47,038 And the gladiation 378 00:29:47,580 --> 00:29:50,500 Well, apart from medicine, irrigation 379 00:29:50,708 --> 00:29:53,545 Health, roads, cheese and education 380 00:29:53,753 --> 00:29:56,714 Baths and the Circus Maximus 381 00:29:56,923 --> 00:29:59,884 What have the Romans Ever done for us? 382 00:30:00,260 --> 00:30:04,138 What have the Romans What have the Romans 383 00:30:04,347 --> 00:30:08,184 What have the Romans Ever done for us? 384 00:30:08,852 --> 00:30:12,480 -Brought peace. -Oh, shut up! 385 00:30:16,776 --> 00:30:20,905 Are you the Judean People's Front? 386 00:30:21,114 --> 00:30:25,493 What? Judean People's Front we're not 387 00:30:25,994 --> 00:30:29,664 Nor the Popular Front of Judea 388 00:30:29,873 --> 00:30:34,586 Nor the People's Popular Front You silly bunt 389 00:30:34,836 --> 00:30:41,676 We're the People's Front of Judea 390 00:30:43,052 --> 00:30:50,435 Yes, we're the People's Front of Judea 391 00:30:51,478 --> 00:30:54,439 The Popular Front we're not 392 00:30:55,690 --> 00:30:59,360 Nor the People's Front, you clot 393 00:31:00,069 --> 00:31:07,285 For we're the People's Front of Judea 394 00:31:07,911 --> 00:31:08,912 Can l join you? 395 00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:12,415 Before you join us, Brian 396 00:31:12,624 --> 00:31:16,836 You should know There's not a single man 397 00:31:17,045 --> 00:31:21,925 Who would not willingly suffer death 398 00:31:22,133 --> 00:31:26,387 To rid this country of the Romans 399 00:31:26,596 --> 00:31:30,141 -One. -Okay, yes, there's just one. 400 00:31:30,433 --> 00:31:37,607 But we're the People's Front of Judea 401 00:31:39,150 --> 00:31:46,199 Yes, we're the People's Front of Judea 402 00:31:47,534 --> 00:31:51,204 The Popular Front we're not 403 00:31:51,830 --> 00:31:55,500 Nor the People's Front, you twat 404 00:31:56,084 --> 00:32:03,508 For we're the People's Front of Judea 405 00:32:05,385 --> 00:32:07,679 Hi, l'm Judith 406 00:32:07,887 --> 00:32:10,473 l'm from Judea 407 00:32:10,682 --> 00:32:11,683 l'm Brian. 408 00:32:11,891 --> 00:32:13,268 -l know. -Okay. 409 00:32:13,476 --> 00:32:20,525 -l joined because l wanted to be freer -You too? 410 00:32:22,110 --> 00:32:26,072 lf there's anything l can do 411 00:32:26,281 --> 00:32:29,534 l'll be happy to help you 412 00:32:29,743 --> 00:32:30,994 Oh, good. 413 00:32:31,202 --> 00:32:37,834 For we're the People's Front of Judea 414 00:32:41,296 --> 00:32:44,215 Right, Brian, you're in. 415 00:32:44,424 --> 00:32:46,718 Now, then, new motion. 416 00:32:46,926 --> 00:32:49,387 The People's Front of Judea... 417 00:32:49,596 --> 00:32:53,808 ...firmly believes and states irrevocably for all time... 418 00:32:54,017 --> 00:32:58,897 ...that it is the inalienable rights of every man-- 419 00:32:59,105 --> 00:33:02,942 -Or woman. -Or woman, to rid himself-- 420 00:33:03,151 --> 00:33:04,235 Or herself. 421 00:33:05,153 --> 00:33:07,781 Or herself. Thank you, brother. 422 00:33:07,989 --> 00:33:10,992 -Or sister. -Or sister. 423 00:33:11,618 --> 00:33:13,495 -Where was l? -Birthright. 424 00:33:13,953 --> 00:33:18,333 Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man-- 425 00:33:18,541 --> 00:33:20,418 -Or woman. -Why don't you... 426 00:33:20,627 --> 00:33:22,879 ...shut up about women, Stan? 427 00:33:23,088 --> 00:33:26,633 Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg. 428 00:33:27,175 --> 00:33:32,013 Why are you always talking about women, Stan? 429 00:33:32,514 --> 00:33:34,349 l want to be one. 430 00:33:35,058 --> 00:33:36,059 What? 431 00:33:42,774 --> 00:33:45,610 l want to be a girl 432 00:33:45,819 --> 00:33:48,321 To make my dreams come true 433 00:33:48,530 --> 00:33:50,782 l want to see the world 434 00:33:50,990 --> 00:33:53,868 From a woman's point of view 435 00:33:54,411 --> 00:33:56,746 l want to wear high heels 436 00:33:56,955 --> 00:33:59,624 And put makeup on my face 437 00:34:00,166 --> 00:34:02,377 To wear a push-up bra 438 00:34:02,585 --> 00:34:05,463 And have panties made of lace 439 00:34:05,672 --> 00:34:08,842 -Good grief. -l want to be a girl 440 00:34:09,050 --> 00:34:12,387 That's all l want to be 441 00:34:12,846 --> 00:34:15,473 l want to be a girl 442 00:34:16,224 --> 00:34:17,517 Dear me 443 00:34:19,644 --> 00:34:22,230 l want to be a girl 444 00:34:22,439 --> 00:34:24,941 Like every other lass 445 00:34:25,150 --> 00:34:27,569 To stress about my breast size 446 00:34:27,777 --> 00:34:30,655 And complain about my ass 447 00:34:30,864 --> 00:34:33,158 l want to shave my legs 448 00:34:33,700 --> 00:34:36,327 lnstead of just my beard 449 00:34:36,536 --> 00:34:38,913 At the end of every month 450 00:34:39,122 --> 00:34:43,168 l want to be extremely weird 451 00:34:43,793 --> 00:34:46,755 l want to be his girl 452 00:34:46,963 --> 00:34:50,467 That's all l want to be 453 00:34:50,675 --> 00:34:53,678 You want to be the girl 454 00:34:53,887 --> 00:34:56,348 For me? 455 00:34:57,807 --> 00:35:00,310 l want to find a guy 456 00:35:00,518 --> 00:35:03,146 Who l can run to see 457 00:35:03,521 --> 00:35:06,024 My fantasy who'll one day say 458 00:35:06,232 --> 00:35:08,860 ''Stan, you're the man for me'' 459 00:35:09,402 --> 00:35:11,696 l want to have a baby 460 00:35:12,072 --> 00:35:14,115 And feed it on fresh lox 461 00:35:15,158 --> 00:35:17,911 Where's the foetus to gestate? 462 00:35:18,119 --> 00:35:21,539 You're gonna keep it in a box? 463 00:35:22,248 --> 00:35:25,669 l want to be your girl 464 00:35:25,877 --> 00:35:29,339 A wife and mother too 465 00:35:30,131 --> 00:35:37,180 -l want to be a girl like you -l want to be a girl like you 466 00:35:37,597 --> 00:35:40,767 l want a world that's new 467 00:35:40,976 --> 00:35:44,270 A world completely better 468 00:35:44,980 --> 00:35:50,402 From now on, please call me Loretta 469 00:35:58,827 --> 00:35:59,828 What the...? 470 00:36:00,036 --> 00:36:03,748 Supposing we say he can't have babies, not having a womb... 471 00:36:03,957 --> 00:36:06,167 ...but he can have the right to have babies. 472 00:36:07,919 --> 00:36:09,921 -Open up! -Who is it? 473 00:36:10,463 --> 00:36:12,007 The Roman Empire. 474 00:36:12,465 --> 00:36:15,760 Quick, run for it. Every man for himself. 475 00:36:19,431 --> 00:36:21,558 So young Brian fled To the market square 476 00:36:24,728 --> 00:36:28,440 There were lots of preachers Teaching there 477 00:36:29,107 --> 00:36:33,278 And a burning Bush shall come out of a White House burning everything. 478 00:36:33,695 --> 00:36:36,281 A friend shall lose his friend's hammer. 479 00:36:36,823 --> 00:36:40,785 Blessed are the accountants, for they shall file tax returns. 480 00:36:40,994 --> 00:36:43,955 There shall be monsters 481 00:36:44,372 --> 00:36:47,125 But over the rest of Judea, there'll be showers... 482 00:36:47,334 --> 00:36:49,544 ...with scattered outbreaks of plague. 483 00:36:49,836 --> 00:36:53,632 Here, is that Brian, one of the revolutionaries? 484 00:36:54,049 --> 00:36:56,468 No, l think he's just a preacher. 485 00:36:58,970 --> 00:37:01,556 How blessed are the birds. 486 00:37:03,099 --> 00:37:04,309 What? 487 00:37:04,976 --> 00:37:08,313 How blessed are the birds. 488 00:37:08,730 --> 00:37:10,732 Are you the Messiah? 489 00:37:11,232 --> 00:37:13,902 -No. -You are, aren't you? 490 00:37:14,110 --> 00:37:15,946 -No. No, l'm not. -You look like one. 491 00:37:16,780 --> 00:37:18,615 Well-- Well, l'm not. 492 00:37:18,823 --> 00:37:19,824 Hail Messiah! 493 00:37:20,367 --> 00:37:22,827 -Hail Messiah! -You are the Messiah. 494 00:37:23,036 --> 00:37:24,829 And l should know, l've followed a few. 495 00:37:27,374 --> 00:37:29,167 You're the one 496 00:37:30,877 --> 00:37:33,588 You're the one 497 00:37:33,797 --> 00:37:35,924 You're the one 498 00:37:36,132 --> 00:37:40,011 You've finally come along 499 00:37:40,220 --> 00:37:46,268 You're the one to show us Right from wrong 500 00:37:46,601 --> 00:37:49,354 You're the one 501 00:37:49,813 --> 00:37:52,774 You're the one 502 00:37:52,983 --> 00:37:58,697 You're the one l adore 503 00:37:59,364 --> 00:38:05,203 You're the one That we've been waiting for 504 00:38:05,412 --> 00:38:11,084 To cure the meek and heal the poor 505 00:38:11,293 --> 00:38:14,713 You're the one 506 00:38:15,130 --> 00:38:18,091 You're the one 507 00:38:18,508 --> 00:38:24,764 -Like a rock in the dark -Like a rock in the dark 508 00:38:24,973 --> 00:38:30,896 -Like a candle in the middle of a park -Like a candle in the middle of a park 509 00:38:31,354 --> 00:38:32,814 -Like a cake -Like a cake 510 00:38:33,023 --> 00:38:37,360 -That's been left out in the rain -That's been left out in the rain 511 00:38:37,861 --> 00:38:44,201 -On a plain in Spain -On a plain in Spain 512 00:38:44,409 --> 00:38:50,415 You're the one we're dreaming of 513 00:38:50,624 --> 00:38:56,463 You're the bright and shining Light of love 514 00:38:57,005 --> 00:39:02,385 Like a torch from up above 515 00:39:02,594 --> 00:39:06,348 You're the one 516 00:39:06,556 --> 00:39:09,309 You're the one 517 00:39:09,768 --> 00:39:12,270 You're the one 518 00:39:12,896 --> 00:39:15,774 There's no doubt 519 00:39:15,982 --> 00:39:22,239 You're the one we cannot live without 520 00:39:22,447 --> 00:39:27,786 You're the living proof, let's shout 521 00:39:27,994 --> 00:39:30,956 You're the one 522 00:39:31,164 --> 00:39:34,042 You're the one 523 00:39:34,251 --> 00:39:37,295 You're the one 524 00:39:37,504 --> 00:39:41,842 You're the one 525 00:40:11,663 --> 00:40:14,374 You're the one 526 00:40:14,583 --> 00:40:17,586 There's no doubt 527 00:40:17,794 --> 00:40:23,842 You're the one we cannot live without 528 00:40:24,718 --> 00:40:29,973 You're the living proof, let's shout 529 00:40:30,515 --> 00:40:33,185 You're the one 530 00:40:33,894 --> 00:40:37,105 You're the one 531 00:40:37,314 --> 00:40:41,026 You're the one 532 00:40:41,234 --> 00:40:44,863 You're the one 533 00:40:45,405 --> 00:40:48,533 Help me, please. Please. 534 00:41:32,577 --> 00:41:34,412 The story so far: 535 00:41:34,621 --> 00:41:38,500 Brian, a good Jewish boy, if you'll pardon the expression... 536 00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:41,962 ...has discovered that his father was a Roman. 537 00:41:42,170 --> 00:41:45,298 Shocked and torn, he has joined the Republicans... 538 00:41:45,507 --> 00:41:49,636 ...a group of power-hungry, desperate people with no future. 539 00:41:50,971 --> 00:41:56,184 Hiding from the Romans, he is mistaken by the mob for the Messiah... 540 00:41:56,518 --> 00:41:58,937 ...and flees back to his place with Judith... 541 00:41:59,146 --> 00:42:02,441 ...for a cup of tea and a good cry. 542 00:42:03,483 --> 00:42:07,779 ln his haste to escape the mob, Brian, like Cinderella... 543 00:42:07,988 --> 00:42:10,115 ...drops the shoe. 544 00:42:11,032 --> 00:42:14,244 Part Four: Baroque and Roll. 545 00:42:28,633 --> 00:42:32,220 The chosen one has disappeared 546 00:42:32,429 --> 00:42:35,891 He has been taken up 547 00:42:36,099 --> 00:42:40,604 See where he has dropped a shoe 548 00:42:40,812 --> 00:42:42,564 A shoe? 549 00:42:42,773 --> 00:42:46,151 That must be some kind of clue 550 00:42:46,693 --> 00:42:49,279 Behold his shoe 551 00:42:49,488 --> 00:42:52,324 -lt is a sign from God -lt is a sign from God 552 00:42:52,532 --> 00:42:57,788 -Let us all now praise his shoe -Let us all now praise his shoe 553 00:43:11,885 --> 00:43:15,013 -Hail to the shoe -Hail to the shoe 554 00:43:15,555 --> 00:43:18,975 Let us all now praise his shoe 555 00:43:19,434 --> 00:43:21,436 Raise up the shoe 556 00:43:23,313 --> 00:43:26,024 This shoe will show us what to do 557 00:43:26,525 --> 00:43:28,568 l must take issue with this shoe 558 00:43:28,777 --> 00:43:30,570 A shoe can't tell us what to do 559 00:43:30,779 --> 00:43:36,201 But if you follow it, then you Cannot be very far from him 560 00:43:36,410 --> 00:43:38,120 That's true 561 00:43:38,578 --> 00:43:40,288 We must take issue with this shoe 562 00:43:40,497 --> 00:43:42,165 A shoe can't tell us what to do 563 00:43:42,374 --> 00:43:48,130 But if you follow it, then you Cannot be very far from him 564 00:43:48,422 --> 00:43:50,549 lt's true 565 00:43:51,091 --> 00:43:55,011 This is the shoe lt's holy too 566 00:43:55,220 --> 00:43:58,765 See his little toes poke through 567 00:43:59,099 --> 00:44:02,310 Hail to the shoe lt's holy too 568 00:44:02,853 --> 00:44:06,231 See, his sole is shining through 569 00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:10,152 When he is walking down the street lf he's got one shoe on his feet 570 00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:12,279 Then we can very clearly spot 571 00:44:12,487 --> 00:44:15,699 Which one is him and which is not 572 00:44:16,241 --> 00:44:20,037 Yes, when he's walking down the street lf he's got one shoe on his feet 573 00:44:20,245 --> 00:44:21,997 Then we can very clearly spot 574 00:44:22,205 --> 00:44:28,211 Which one is him and which is not 575 00:44:29,921 --> 00:44:34,217 l don't believe in that shoe 576 00:44:34,968 --> 00:44:39,639 l think it's stupid, don't you? 577 00:44:42,642 --> 00:44:44,186 We think it's true 578 00:44:44,394 --> 00:44:46,229 Believe in the shoe 579 00:44:46,438 --> 00:44:50,150 Or else it will be death to you 580 00:44:50,734 --> 00:44:52,110 Kill him today 581 00:44:52,319 --> 00:44:54,237 Might as well anyway 582 00:44:54,821 --> 00:44:57,616 Unbelievers all must pay 583 00:44:58,241 --> 00:45:00,118 -For he must die -Yes, he must die 584 00:45:00,327 --> 00:45:02,412 -Or we shall know -The reason why 585 00:45:02,621 --> 00:45:04,456 -And he must pay -Yes, he must pay 586 00:45:04,665 --> 00:45:10,253 With his life for his heresy today 587 00:45:10,504 --> 00:45:12,464 -For he must die -Yes, he must die 588 00:45:12,673 --> 00:45:14,383 -Or we shall know -The reason why 589 00:45:14,591 --> 00:45:16,301 -And he must pay -Yes, he must pay 590 00:45:16,718 --> 00:45:22,849 With his life for his heresy today 591 00:45:23,517 --> 00:45:25,560 Hail to the shoe 592 00:45:25,769 --> 00:45:27,479 Death to those who 593 00:45:27,688 --> 00:45:29,314 Have different views 594 00:45:29,523 --> 00:45:31,692 Concerning his shoes 595 00:45:31,900 --> 00:45:33,860 -Hail to the shoe -Hail to the shoe 596 00:45:34,069 --> 00:45:35,988 -Death to those who -Death to those who 597 00:45:36,196 --> 00:45:38,115 -Have different views -Have different views 598 00:45:38,323 --> 00:45:39,741 Concerning his shoes 599 00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:41,827 And while we kill him 600 00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:47,207 Let us all pray 601 00:45:47,416 --> 00:45:55,507 Hail to the shoe 602 00:46:02,639 --> 00:46:06,518 And lo, Brian did go home with Judith... 603 00:46:06,727 --> 00:46:10,188 ...and they did lie down together upon a mattress. 604 00:47:16,380 --> 00:47:18,423 That was wonderful. 605 00:47:18,632 --> 00:47:21,760 But enough opera. Let's have some sex! 606 00:47:24,888 --> 00:47:26,640 Brian Cohen 607 00:47:28,475 --> 00:47:30,185 What the hell is going on? 608 00:47:31,061 --> 00:47:32,813 Oh, horror 609 00:47:33,230 --> 00:47:36,692 lt's my mother 610 00:47:37,484 --> 00:47:41,113 Who the heck is this? 611 00:47:42,990 --> 00:47:46,285 Mumsy, this is Judith 612 00:47:47,244 --> 00:47:52,124 What the hell's she doing here? 613 00:47:53,166 --> 00:47:56,795 Discussing revolution 614 00:47:58,505 --> 00:48:02,593 ln the dark? 615 00:48:03,844 --> 00:48:08,765 Open the window right now 616 00:48:08,974 --> 00:48:11,310 All right, Mummy 617 00:48:21,445 --> 00:48:22,613 Morning, saviour. 618 00:48:23,572 --> 00:48:27,242 Hooray, the chosen one has woken 619 00:48:28,368 --> 00:48:30,245 Good morning, saviour 620 00:48:30,704 --> 00:48:32,080 Hail Messiah 621 00:48:32,998 --> 00:48:36,960 Brian, what the hell is going on? 622 00:48:37,711 --> 00:48:41,465 Let me explain, Mrs. Cohen 623 00:48:42,049 --> 00:48:43,926 Put some clothes on first 624 00:48:45,260 --> 00:48:48,680 Who are all these people? 625 00:48:48,889 --> 00:48:51,350 They have just popped by 626 00:48:52,434 --> 00:48:56,104 Popped by? More like swarmed by 627 00:48:56,313 --> 00:48:58,440 There's a multitude 628 00:48:59,691 --> 00:49:04,029 They think that l am the Messiah 629 00:49:04,613 --> 00:49:06,865 Hail Messiah 630 00:49:07,074 --> 00:49:08,700 Show us the Messiah 631 00:49:08,909 --> 00:49:11,411 He's not the Messiah 632 00:49:11,620 --> 00:49:15,207 He's a very naughty boy 633 00:49:15,415 --> 00:49:16,708 Who are you? 634 00:49:16,917 --> 00:49:20,379 l am his mother 635 00:49:20,796 --> 00:49:24,216 Hail to the mother of Brian 636 00:49:24,424 --> 00:49:28,846 Hail to Mandy, mother of Brian 637 00:49:29,304 --> 00:49:33,308 Are you a virgin? 638 00:49:34,601 --> 00:49:38,063 How dare you? 639 00:49:39,439 --> 00:49:47,114 She must be 640 00:49:54,371 --> 00:49:57,207 lt's so hard being a mother. 641 00:49:57,416 --> 00:50:00,252 He was such a lovely little boy. 642 00:50:01,753 --> 00:50:03,422 When did he grow up? 643 00:50:03,839 --> 00:50:05,883 Where did the time go? 644 00:50:06,091 --> 00:50:09,428 One day he's playing around with his little dreidels... 645 00:50:09,636 --> 00:50:14,391 ...and the next you find him in bed with a naked tart. 646 00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:17,769 Oh, Brian. Brian, what's to become of me? 647 00:50:17,978 --> 00:50:19,271 Don't worry, Mum. 648 00:50:19,563 --> 00:50:21,440 We'll come and visit. 649 00:50:21,690 --> 00:50:26,111 We will, Mrs. Cohen. Honest. 650 00:50:26,570 --> 00:50:30,282 lt's all so sad 651 00:50:30,866 --> 00:50:35,871 When they grow up 652 00:50:38,081 --> 00:50:41,710 When he was young 653 00:50:41,919 --> 00:50:44,254 Sweet as can be 654 00:50:44,671 --> 00:50:46,715 My little boy 655 00:50:46,924 --> 00:50:49,426 He said to me: 656 00:50:49,635 --> 00:50:52,304 ''When l grow up 657 00:50:52,513 --> 00:50:54,598 l'll set you free 658 00:50:54,807 --> 00:51:00,187 And we will live so happily'' 659 00:51:00,395 --> 00:51:02,689 l was just 1 0 660 00:51:02,898 --> 00:51:07,319 How could l know what l'd do then? 661 00:51:07,528 --> 00:51:09,488 How things would go? 662 00:51:10,155 --> 00:51:12,491 Finding some girl 663 00:51:12,699 --> 00:51:15,828 And then leaving me 664 00:51:16,036 --> 00:51:20,082 O misery 665 00:51:20,290 --> 00:51:24,169 When they grow up 666 00:51:24,378 --> 00:51:26,421 And as for me 667 00:51:26,630 --> 00:51:28,799 Now l have grown 668 00:51:29,007 --> 00:51:30,592 l have found out 669 00:51:30,801 --> 00:51:33,345 What l should have known 670 00:51:33,554 --> 00:51:37,599 Everyone reaps what they have sown 671 00:51:38,183 --> 00:51:40,352 l too have found 672 00:51:40,561 --> 00:51:44,231 Someone of my own 673 00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:48,193 When we grow up 674 00:51:48,402 --> 00:51:50,362 As we must do 675 00:51:50,863 --> 00:51:55,534 And find that certain somebody who 676 00:51:56,076 --> 00:51:58,787 Makes us feel young 677 00:51:59,121 --> 00:52:02,040 Makes us feel free 678 00:52:02,249 --> 00:52:05,878 Then we grow up 679 00:52:06,086 --> 00:52:11,049 And live happily 680 00:52:11,258 --> 00:52:13,385 And as for me 681 00:52:13,594 --> 00:52:15,721 Now l have grown 682 00:52:15,929 --> 00:52:17,681 And l have found 683 00:52:17,890 --> 00:52:20,309 What l should have known 684 00:52:20,726 --> 00:52:25,230 Everyone reaps The seeds they have sown 685 00:52:25,439 --> 00:52:27,733 l too have found 686 00:52:27,941 --> 00:52:31,945 Someone of my own 687 00:52:32,279 --> 00:52:35,741 When we grow up 688 00:52:35,949 --> 00:52:38,118 As we must do 689 00:52:38,327 --> 00:52:43,040 And find that certain somebody who 690 00:52:43,457 --> 00:52:46,001 Makes me feel young 691 00:52:46,210 --> 00:52:50,047 Listens to me 692 00:52:50,297 --> 00:52:54,510 l've grown up, Mum 693 00:52:55,761 --> 00:53:02,267 Please set me free 694 00:53:12,027 --> 00:53:18,117 She makes me feel free 695 00:53:19,243 --> 00:53:28,877 Finally 696 00:53:59,700 --> 00:54:01,452 Who are you lot anyway? 697 00:54:01,660 --> 00:54:05,664 Let me tell you precisely who we are. 698 00:54:14,381 --> 00:54:16,550 Oh, we come from The mountains and valleys 699 00:54:19,595 --> 00:54:23,807 We come from the armpits of Rome 700 00:54:24,350 --> 00:54:28,395 From the holes Where the coals all lie buried 701 00:54:28,604 --> 00:54:32,941 To the mountain's shining dome 702 00:54:33,567 --> 00:54:37,946 We are poor working men Who all need a 703 00:54:38,364 --> 00:54:42,451 New light in the darkness and gloam 704 00:54:42,993 --> 00:54:47,081 And we seek the promised leader 705 00:54:47,289 --> 00:54:52,211 Who will take us home 706 00:54:53,295 --> 00:54:57,049 Take us home 707 00:54:58,175 --> 00:55:02,346 Take us home 708 00:55:02,971 --> 00:55:06,684 And we seek the promised leader 709 00:55:07,267 --> 00:55:12,564 Who will take us home 710 00:55:12,856 --> 00:55:17,403 From the Red Sea to the Dead Sea 711 00:55:17,611 --> 00:55:22,157 To the golden streets of Rome 712 00:55:22,616 --> 00:55:27,246 From the deep dark holes Where they dig out the coals 713 00:55:27,454 --> 00:55:31,709 To the builders up on the dome 714 00:55:32,293 --> 00:55:36,588 From the working man in his hovel 715 00:55:36,964 --> 00:55:41,260 To the fisherman lost on the foam 716 00:55:41,885 --> 00:55:45,889 We all seek the promised leader 717 00:55:46,098 --> 00:55:51,478 Who will take us home 718 00:55:52,479 --> 00:55:56,650 Take us home 719 00:55:57,568 --> 00:56:01,363 Take us home 720 00:56:01,697 --> 00:56:05,951 Oh, we seek the promised leader 721 00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:11,915 Who will take us home 722 00:56:13,042 --> 00:56:17,171 Take us home 723 00:56:18,339 --> 00:56:22,676 Take us home 724 00:56:22,885 --> 00:56:27,264 Oh, we seek the promised leader 725 00:56:27,723 --> 00:56:33,646 Who will take us home 726 00:56:34,688 --> 00:56:39,735 Take us home 727 00:56:40,361 --> 00:56:44,031 Take us home 728 00:56:44,531 --> 00:56:49,411 Oh, we seek the promised leader 729 00:56:49,703 --> 00:56:59,838 Who will take us home 730 00:57:22,861 --> 00:57:25,864 All right, Brian, you can talk to them. 731 00:57:26,073 --> 00:57:27,700 But just for a minute. 732 00:57:30,411 --> 00:57:33,706 Now, listen, you have made a mistake 733 00:57:35,416 --> 00:57:39,086 l am not the Messiah 734 00:57:39,837 --> 00:57:41,589 But you look like one 735 00:57:42,965 --> 00:57:46,552 l am not the chosen one 736 00:57:46,760 --> 00:57:48,721 But we have chosen you 737 00:57:50,014 --> 00:57:56,562 Tell your people what we should do 738 00:57:57,187 --> 00:58:00,357 You should all piss off 739 00:58:02,109 --> 00:58:05,195 How shall we piss off, Lord? 740 00:58:06,780 --> 00:58:13,412 Don't follow people You are all individuals 741 00:58:13,954 --> 00:58:18,083 That's right, we're all individuals 742 00:58:57,623 --> 00:58:59,375 l'm not. 743 00:59:21,730 --> 00:59:25,985 That's right, we're all individuals 744 00:59:26,485 --> 00:59:30,990 You must make up your own minds For yourselves 745 00:59:31,198 --> 00:59:35,786 That's right, we must make up Our own minds for ourselves 746 00:59:36,453 --> 00:59:42,001 Don't let anyone tell you what to do 747 00:59:42,209 --> 00:59:44,295 That's right, tell us more 748 00:59:44,503 --> 00:59:51,010 No, don't you see? You've got to think for yourselves 749 00:59:51,302 --> 00:59:55,848 Yes, we have to think for ourselves 750 00:59:56,223 --> 01:00:02,855 Tell us what we have to Think for ourselves 751 01:00:03,063 --> 01:00:10,237 No, nobody can tell you what to do 752 01:00:10,696 --> 01:00:15,284 Except you 753 01:00:15,493 --> 01:00:23,083 No, not even me 754 01:00:33,761 --> 01:00:37,389 Here, Brian, let me help you out with this. 755 01:00:37,598 --> 01:00:40,392 They're just not getting this, okay? 756 01:00:41,268 --> 01:00:42,394 Better. 757 01:00:53,197 --> 01:00:56,117 Hey, listen, people, listen to me 758 01:00:56,575 --> 01:00:59,078 This is what he's trying to say 759 01:01:00,329 --> 01:01:03,749 Each of you must Make up your own minds 760 01:01:03,958 --> 01:01:06,627 Have your different point of view 761 01:01:07,461 --> 01:01:10,923 Some people have And some will have 762 01:01:11,340 --> 01:01:13,759 But time has got you by the balls 763 01:01:14,385 --> 01:01:17,888 But you must to your own selves Be true 764 01:01:18,097 --> 01:01:21,350 For you're all individuals 765 01:01:36,490 --> 01:01:40,578 You don't know how bad Your fate can get 766 01:01:42,413 --> 01:01:47,293 Then one day you find You're played by Cate Blanchett 767 01:01:49,003 --> 01:01:52,798 So l'll take your hand Make up your mind 768 01:01:53,132 --> 01:01:55,801 Choose a healthy point of view 769 01:01:56,135 --> 01:01:59,555 Don't follow leaders Or parking meters 770 01:01:59,764 --> 01:02:02,683 They tell you all what you must do 771 01:02:02,975 --> 01:02:06,687 Well, some people preach you Others will teach you 772 01:02:06,896 --> 01:02:09,356 They don't know what l can do 773 01:02:09,899 --> 01:02:13,486 You must to your own selves Be true 774 01:02:13,819 --> 01:02:16,989 'Cause you're all individuals 775 01:02:37,218 --> 01:02:40,805 Yes, we'll do whatever you say 776 01:02:41,013 --> 01:02:43,974 Because we're.... 777 01:03:14,588 --> 01:03:16,173 Brian! 778 01:03:16,757 --> 01:03:19,760 Judith. Oh, thank heaven, it's you! 779 01:03:19,969 --> 01:03:21,512 Yes, Brian, it is. 780 01:03:22,346 --> 01:03:24,390 So it was all a dream. 781 01:03:24,598 --> 01:03:28,436 No, Brian, this is the dream. You're still asleep. 782 01:03:28,644 --> 01:03:32,732 Oh, no. So, what's going to happen to me? 783 01:03:32,940 --> 01:03:36,360 Well, all you're doing is advocating peace, right? 784 01:03:36,569 --> 01:03:39,113 -Right. -Well, then they'll probably just kill you. 785 01:03:39,321 --> 01:03:42,867 -What? -But your ideas will live on. 786 01:03:43,075 --> 01:03:44,660 Oh, great. 787 01:03:45,119 --> 01:03:47,329 Well, l must go now. 788 01:03:48,289 --> 01:03:49,290 Why? 789 01:03:49,498 --> 01:03:52,877 Because you're still asleep, and you're getting one of those-- 790 01:03:53,085 --> 01:03:54,086 Sorry. 791 01:03:54,962 --> 01:03:56,714 When l was young 792 01:03:58,132 --> 01:04:01,969 l dreamed that life was always Here to stay 793 01:04:03,137 --> 01:04:05,598 When l was young 794 01:04:06,307 --> 01:04:10,436 Tomorrow seemed so very far away 795 01:04:11,729 --> 01:04:14,023 Now l've grown 796 01:04:14,482 --> 01:04:17,943 l've found that all my time has flown 797 01:04:18,486 --> 01:04:22,156 And one thing that l should have known 798 01:04:22,823 --> 01:04:24,867 Life is very short 799 01:04:27,578 --> 01:04:34,585 But there are always friends 800 01:04:35,753 --> 01:04:42,301 And there is always love to share 801 01:04:43,344 --> 01:04:46,806 So before 802 01:04:47,056 --> 01:04:51,143 Your journey ends 803 01:04:51,894 --> 01:04:58,567 Don't give in to despair 804 01:05:00,820 --> 01:05:02,989 Find your dream 805 01:05:03,614 --> 01:05:06,993 Before your dream can slip away 806 01:05:09,036 --> 01:05:11,163 Find your dream 807 01:05:11,664 --> 01:05:15,209 Tomorrow is another day 808 01:05:16,377 --> 01:05:22,174 You may not get a second chance 809 01:05:22,383 --> 01:05:24,510 For romance 810 01:05:24,719 --> 01:05:26,721 So before it's too late 811 01:05:27,221 --> 01:05:31,267 Don't hesitate Find your dream 812 01:05:33,436 --> 01:05:36,188 -Find your dream -Find your dream 813 01:05:36,397 --> 01:05:38,524 Life doesn't always Turn out right for you 814 01:05:38,733 --> 01:05:41,152 Life can be so hard 815 01:05:41,652 --> 01:05:44,196 -Find your dream -Find your dream 816 01:05:44,405 --> 01:05:47,950 -ln every single thing you try to do -No guarantee 817 01:05:48,159 --> 01:05:50,536 You'll find your reward 818 01:05:50,745 --> 01:05:56,876 You can be blind To what is really on your mind 819 01:05:57,543 --> 01:05:59,837 So before it's too late 820 01:06:00,046 --> 01:06:02,840 Don't hesitate Find your dream 821 01:06:03,049 --> 01:06:05,051 Find your dream 822 01:07:10,908 --> 01:07:13,286 -Find your dream -Find your dream 823 01:07:13,494 --> 01:07:18,499 -Before your dream can slip away -Slip away 824 01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:21,752 -Find your dream -Find your dream 825 01:07:21,961 --> 01:07:26,424 -Tomorrow is another day -Another day 826 01:07:26,632 --> 01:07:32,346 You may not get a second chance 827 01:07:32,555 --> 01:07:34,307 For romance 828 01:07:34,807 --> 01:07:37,310 So before it's too late 829 01:07:37,518 --> 01:07:42,189 Don't hesitate Find your dream 830 01:07:42,899 --> 01:07:45,151 So before it's too late 831 01:07:45,568 --> 01:07:48,905 Don't hesitate Find your dream 832 01:07:49,113 --> 01:07:56,078 Find your dream 833 01:08:04,754 --> 01:08:07,423 Brian Cohen 834 01:08:07,798 --> 01:08:10,259 Brian Cohen 835 01:08:10,885 --> 01:08:16,557 l have come to take you away 836 01:08:17,558 --> 01:08:19,644 Who are you? 837 01:08:19,852 --> 01:08:23,022 Are you Death? 838 01:08:24,315 --> 01:08:29,737 No, l'm Biggus Dickus 839 01:08:30,488 --> 01:08:33,699 Hail Caesar 840 01:08:33,908 --> 01:08:36,494 Hail Caesar 841 01:08:53,511 --> 01:08:55,721 That's wight, Bwian. 842 01:08:57,431 --> 01:08:59,475 Bigguth Dickuth... 843 01:09:00,226 --> 01:09:01,602 ...is my best fwend fwom Wome. 844 01:09:06,899 --> 01:09:09,735 Dethist, you wowdy wadicals. 845 01:09:10,027 --> 01:09:12,905 You are a webel, Bwian, and a wapscallion and a Wepublican. 846 01:09:18,661 --> 01:09:19,704 Centurion... 847 01:09:22,373 --> 01:09:25,459 ...why do they titter so? 848 01:09:27,086 --> 01:09:30,631 Just some Jewish joke, sir. 849 01:09:30,965 --> 01:09:33,217 Theath thith wibaldwy at onth. 850 01:09:33,426 --> 01:09:36,095 l won't be wattled by a wabble of wowdy webels. 851 01:09:36,304 --> 01:09:39,432 Thith man wanks higher than any in Wome. 852 01:09:42,643 --> 01:09:47,398 Awest this man and thwow him woughly into a thell. 853 01:09:48,191 --> 01:09:50,443 Brian Cohen 854 01:09:50,860 --> 01:09:53,279 Brian Cohen 855 01:09:54,113 --> 01:09:59,243 You are under arrest 856 01:10:00,995 --> 01:10:03,122 Arrested and restrained 857 01:10:03,664 --> 01:10:06,501 Brian was captured and jailed 858 01:10:07,126 --> 01:10:11,172 lt seems his plans had all now failed 859 01:10:11,923 --> 01:10:14,634 Detained and chained and then 860 01:10:15,468 --> 01:10:18,221 He was throwned into a pen 861 01:10:19,180 --> 01:10:23,226 With a very silly man Who was named Ben 862 01:10:23,893 --> 01:10:27,980 You lucky, lucky bastard. 863 01:10:36,072 --> 01:10:38,074 What are they going to do to me? 864 01:10:39,158 --> 01:10:41,828 Oh, you'll probably get away with just crucifixion. 865 01:10:45,248 --> 01:10:46,791 Crucifixion? 866 01:10:46,999 --> 01:10:48,668 Yeah, first offence. 867 01:10:48,876 --> 01:10:51,295 ''Get away with crucifixion''? 868 01:10:51,712 --> 01:10:55,007 Well, at least it gets you out lnto the open air 869 01:10:55,466 --> 01:10:58,594 Best thing the Romans ever did for us 870 01:10:58,803 --> 01:11:01,639 lf we didn't have crucifixion 871 01:11:01,848 --> 01:11:05,852 This country would be ln a right bloody mess 872 01:11:06,727 --> 01:11:07,728 What? 873 01:11:08,479 --> 01:11:11,065 Nail 'em up, l say Nail 'em up, l say 874 01:11:11,524 --> 01:11:14,026 Nail some sense into 'em 875 01:11:14,235 --> 01:11:16,487 Now, take my case They hung me up 876 01:11:18,114 --> 01:11:20,032 For five long years of pain 877 01:11:20,241 --> 01:11:23,286 And every night, they take me down 878 01:11:23,494 --> 01:11:26,080 Then they hang me up again 879 01:11:26,539 --> 01:11:29,375 Which l regard as very, very fair 880 01:11:29,751 --> 01:11:32,462 ln view of what l done 881 01:11:32,670 --> 01:11:38,384 lf nothing else, it's taught me to Respect the Romans, son 882 01:11:38,760 --> 01:11:41,679 lt's taught me that in this old life 883 01:11:41,888 --> 01:11:44,432 There's only one right way 884 01:11:45,016 --> 01:11:50,730 You must do a fair day's work For a fair day's pay 885 01:11:50,938 --> 01:11:54,066 A fair day's work for a fair day's pay 886 01:11:54,484 --> 01:11:56,736 That is what The lower middle classes say 887 01:11:56,944 --> 01:12:00,114 So do your duty every day 888 01:12:00,448 --> 01:12:02,909 A fair day's work for a fair day's pay 889 01:12:03,242 --> 01:12:06,370 Once l was a lad in the Hudson Bay 890 01:12:06,579 --> 01:12:09,540 l'd cut down trees every single day 891 01:12:09,791 --> 01:12:12,585 l'd sleep all night and work all day 892 01:12:13,044 --> 01:12:15,880 And walk away contented With a fair day's pay 893 01:12:16,089 --> 01:12:18,841 He'd sleep all night and work all day 894 01:12:19,050 --> 01:12:21,886 And walk away contented With a fair day's pay 895 01:12:22,136 --> 01:12:24,931 A fair day's work for a fair day's pay 896 01:12:25,390 --> 01:12:28,101 That is what The lower middle classes say 897 01:12:28,309 --> 01:12:31,437 So do your duty every day 898 01:12:31,646 --> 01:12:34,440 A fair day's work for a fair day's pay 899 01:12:34,649 --> 01:12:37,860 Yes, l was a lumberjack, okay 900 01:12:38,111 --> 01:12:41,030 Going to the lavatory every day 901 01:12:41,322 --> 01:12:43,866 l'd work very hard With me tiny little axe 902 01:12:44,075 --> 01:12:46,786 At night l'd visit naughty bars To help relax 903 01:12:46,994 --> 01:12:49,956 He'd work very hard With his tiny little axe 904 01:12:50,164 --> 01:12:52,917 And at night he'd visit naughty bars To help relax 905 01:12:53,126 --> 01:12:56,170 l'd work away in a very butch way 906 01:12:56,546 --> 01:12:59,215 Chopping down tall trees every day 907 01:12:59,424 --> 01:13:02,218 l'd put on women's clothing And go out at nights 908 01:13:02,427 --> 01:13:05,304 And go and seek the company Of transvestites 909 01:13:05,513 --> 01:13:08,099 He'd put on women's clothing And go out at nights 910 01:13:08,307 --> 01:13:11,894 And go and seek the company Of transvestites? 911 01:13:13,563 --> 01:13:16,733 That's enough of that, okay 912 01:13:17,025 --> 01:13:21,654 We don't give a duck lf you're completely gay 913 01:13:37,754 --> 01:13:39,922 -Brian. -Mother. 914 01:13:40,214 --> 01:13:41,591 What are you doing here? 915 01:13:41,799 --> 01:13:43,676 What are you doing here? 916 01:13:44,719 --> 01:13:47,430 l'm going to be crucified. 917 01:13:49,223 --> 01:13:51,601 l've brought you some clean underwear. 918 01:13:53,478 --> 01:13:56,522 -Judith! -Hello, Brian. l've come to say goodbye. 919 01:13:56,814 --> 01:13:57,815 Goodbye? 920 01:13:58,066 --> 01:14:00,818 Well, yes, Brian, you're going to be crucified. 921 01:14:01,027 --> 01:14:04,030 Oh, yes. Well, l suppose... 922 01:14:04,530 --> 01:14:06,240 ...if this is goodbye... 923 01:14:06,449 --> 01:14:09,243 ...then l must.... 924 01:14:09,452 --> 01:14:11,037 What? 925 01:14:12,121 --> 01:14:13,706 l must... 926 01:14:14,832 --> 01:14:16,542 ...sing. 927 01:14:17,752 --> 01:14:21,506 This is the final song 928 01:14:24,092 --> 01:14:28,388 l'll sing for you 929 01:14:28,888 --> 01:14:30,682 That's nice. 930 01:14:30,890 --> 01:14:36,312 There's nothing more 931 01:14:36,771 --> 01:14:42,110 That l can do 932 01:14:42,777 --> 01:14:47,949 One final song 933 01:14:48,908 --> 01:14:53,413 And then l'm gone 934 01:14:53,621 --> 01:15:00,420 So far away from you 935 01:15:01,796 --> 01:15:06,467 l will stay true 936 01:15:08,386 --> 01:15:12,765 Though we're apart 937 01:15:14,434 --> 01:15:18,813 But still my heart 938 01:15:19,105 --> 01:15:26,487 Will always be with you 939 01:15:27,488 --> 01:15:33,703 -Our final song -Our final song 940 01:15:33,995 --> 01:15:39,959 -Will not take long -Will not take long 941 01:15:40,501 --> 01:15:44,464 -And then we're gone -And then we're gone 942 01:15:44,672 --> 01:15:53,473 -lt's farewell to you -lt's farewell to you 943 01:15:55,016 --> 01:16:00,146 This is the final song 944 01:16:00,355 --> 01:16:06,819 l'll sing for you 945 01:16:08,780 --> 01:16:14,160 There's nothing more 946 01:16:15,203 --> 01:16:20,333 That l can do 947 01:16:21,876 --> 01:16:27,757 One final song 948 01:16:28,424 --> 01:16:33,012 And then we're done 949 01:16:33,554 --> 01:16:41,104 And l am leaving you 950 01:16:41,896 --> 01:16:45,650 This final day 951 01:16:45,858 --> 01:16:48,528 -This final day -This final day 952 01:16:48,736 --> 01:16:51,823 When we can say 953 01:16:52,031 --> 01:16:54,993 -When we can say -When we can say 954 01:16:55,243 --> 01:16:59,455 My life is done 955 01:16:59,664 --> 01:17:05,878 And we sing my song 956 01:17:06,462 --> 01:17:10,008 -lt's our song too -lt's our song too 957 01:17:13,386 --> 01:17:16,139 Their final song 958 01:17:16,347 --> 01:17:22,729 -Their final song -Their final song 959 01:17:22,937 --> 01:17:27,567 Let's hope it will 960 01:17:27,775 --> 01:17:35,199 Not take too long 961 01:17:36,284 --> 01:17:40,371 This is the final song 962 01:17:40,663 --> 01:17:47,545 l'll sing for you 963 01:17:47,754 --> 01:17:54,010 There's nothing more 964 01:17:54,219 --> 01:17:59,933 That l can do 965 01:18:00,141 --> 01:18:05,897 One final song 966 01:18:06,522 --> 01:18:10,944 And then we're done 967 01:18:11,152 --> 01:18:17,909 And l am leaving you 968 01:18:19,494 --> 01:18:23,498 When l'm away 969 01:18:23,706 --> 01:18:26,292 -When he's away -When he's away 970 01:18:26,876 --> 01:18:29,963 l'll hope you'll play 971 01:18:30,421 --> 01:18:33,591 -We're sure to play -We're sure to play 972 01:18:33,800 --> 01:18:38,721 -This final song -This final song 973 01:18:39,222 --> 01:18:47,021 -lt's all l'll have of you -lt's all l'll have of you 974 01:18:48,606 --> 01:18:54,946 This final day 975 01:18:55,530 --> 01:19:01,828 When l can say 976 01:19:02,203 --> 01:19:06,541 My life is done 977 01:19:06,749 --> 01:19:13,006 And we sing my song 978 01:19:13,381 --> 01:19:17,719 He sings so well 979 01:19:19,012 --> 01:19:21,681 Apart from this 980 01:19:22,098 --> 01:19:26,686 -Apart from this -Apart from this 981 01:19:26,895 --> 01:19:38,615 There is no more 982 01:19:51,878 --> 01:19:54,214 -Crucifixion? -Yes. 983 01:19:54,422 --> 01:19:57,926 Good. Out of the door. Turn right. One cross each. 984 01:19:58,134 --> 01:19:59,344 Line on the left. 985 01:20:00,261 --> 01:20:01,888 Next. 986 01:20:02,138 --> 01:20:04,390 -Crucifixion? -Yes. 987 01:20:05,600 --> 01:20:08,728 Out of the door. Turn right. One cross each. 988 01:20:09,187 --> 01:20:11,147 Line on the left. 989 01:20:11,606 --> 01:20:13,399 Next. 990 01:20:13,942 --> 01:20:15,401 Crucifixion? 991 01:20:15,610 --> 01:20:17,779 No. Freedom for me. 992 01:20:24,577 --> 01:20:25,578 What? 993 01:20:25,787 --> 01:20:27,914 Freedom for me. They said l hadn't done nothing... 994 01:20:28,123 --> 01:20:31,126 ...so l could go free and live on an island somewhere. 995 01:20:33,336 --> 01:20:35,630 Oh, well, that's jolly good. 996 01:20:35,839 --> 01:20:39,008 Well, off you go, then. 997 01:20:39,259 --> 01:20:40,677 Nah, l'm just pulling your leg. 998 01:20:42,470 --> 01:20:44,973 lt's crucifixion really. 999 01:20:47,475 --> 01:20:49,060 Yes. Yes, very good. 1000 01:20:49,269 --> 01:20:50,520 -Yeah. -Very good. Very good. 1001 01:20:50,728 --> 01:20:52,147 You know the way, out the door. 1002 01:20:52,355 --> 01:20:54,607 -Out the door. Line on the left. -One cross each. 1003 01:20:54,816 --> 01:20:57,360 -Yep. Yep. -Yeah. Yeah. l've done it before. 1004 01:21:07,078 --> 01:21:08,121 Crucifixion? 1005 01:21:08,329 --> 01:21:11,416 Excuse me, but there's been some sort of mistake. 1006 01:21:11,624 --> 01:21:13,293 Oh, well, we'll sort that out later. 1007 01:21:13,835 --> 01:21:15,295 Oh, that's a good one, eh? 1008 01:21:15,503 --> 01:21:18,757 ''We'll sort it out later, after you've been crucified.'' 1009 01:21:19,299 --> 01:21:22,302 -Typical bloody Romans, eh? -Now you can shut up. 1010 01:21:22,594 --> 01:21:27,140 Or what? l'll have to give up being crucified in the afternoons? 1011 01:21:27,932 --> 01:21:30,310 But l don't want to be crucified. 1012 01:21:30,894 --> 01:21:33,813 Oh, cheer up, Brian. You know what they say. 1013 01:21:40,862 --> 01:21:43,406 Some things in life are bad 1014 01:21:43,615 --> 01:21:45,658 They can really make you sad 1015 01:21:47,368 --> 01:21:49,746 Other things just make you Swear and curse 1016 01:21:50,205 --> 01:21:52,499 When you're chewing on life's gristle 1017 01:21:52,707 --> 01:21:55,210 Don't grumble, give a whistle 1018 01:21:55,585 --> 01:22:00,006 And this'll help things Turn out for the best 1019 01:22:00,465 --> 01:22:02,675 And 1020 01:22:02,884 --> 01:22:07,347 Always look on the bright side of life 1021 01:22:08,640 --> 01:22:09,974 See? 1022 01:22:10,225 --> 01:22:14,354 Always look on the light side of life 1023 01:22:17,524 --> 01:22:19,150 lf life seems jolly rotten 1024 01:22:19,359 --> 01:22:21,027 There's something you've forgotten 1025 01:22:21,236 --> 01:22:24,531 And that's to laugh and smile And dance and sing 1026 01:22:24,739 --> 01:22:26,699 lf you're feeling in the dumps 1027 01:22:26,908 --> 01:22:28,368 Don't be silly, chumps 1028 01:22:28,576 --> 01:22:31,538 Just purse your lips and whistle That's the thing 1029 01:22:31,746 --> 01:22:36,543 And always look on The bright side of life 1030 01:22:36,751 --> 01:22:38,420 Very good. 1031 01:22:40,171 --> 01:22:44,217 Always look on the light side of life 1032 01:22:47,554 --> 01:22:49,097 For life is quite absurd 1033 01:22:49,305 --> 01:22:50,932 And death's the final word 1034 01:22:51,141 --> 01:22:54,602 You must always face the curtain With a bow 1035 01:22:55,186 --> 01:22:56,438 Forget about your sin 1036 01:22:56,646 --> 01:22:58,648 Give the audience a grin 1037 01:22:58,857 --> 01:23:01,401 Enjoy it lt's your last chance anyhow 1038 01:23:01,609 --> 01:23:06,740 So always look on The bright side of death 1039 01:23:10,118 --> 01:23:14,456 Just before you draw Your terminal breath 1040 01:23:17,751 --> 01:23:19,419 Life's a piece of shit 1041 01:23:19,627 --> 01:23:21,212 When you look at it 1042 01:23:21,421 --> 01:23:24,632 Life's a laugh and death's a joke lt's true 1043 01:23:25,133 --> 01:23:26,593 You'll see it's all a show 1044 01:23:26,801 --> 01:23:28,428 Keep 'em laughing as you go 1045 01:23:28,636 --> 01:23:31,598 Just remember The last laugh is on you 1046 01:23:31,806 --> 01:23:37,062 And always look on The bright side of life 1047 01:23:40,315 --> 01:23:44,611 Always look on the bright side of life 1048 01:23:46,780 --> 01:23:47,781 Key change. 1049 01:23:47,989 --> 01:23:52,160 Always look on the bright side of life 1050 01:23:55,330 --> 01:23:59,959 Always look on the bright side of life 1051 01:24:03,171 --> 01:24:07,467 Always look on the bright side of life 1052 01:24:10,512 --> 01:24:14,307 Always look on the bright side of life 1053 01:24:18,019 --> 01:24:22,691 Always look on the bright side of life 1054 01:24:25,944 --> 01:24:30,323 Always look on the bright side of life 1055 01:24:32,826 --> 01:24:37,998 And always look on The bright side 1056 01:24:38,206 --> 01:24:42,836 Of life 1057 01:25:00,186 --> 01:25:01,229 Thank you. 1058 01:25:10,822 --> 01:25:11,823 Thank you. 1059 01:25:27,255 --> 01:25:29,049 Oh, dear. 1060 01:25:31,092 --> 01:25:33,386 l never wanted to be a Roman... 1061 01:25:35,138 --> 01:25:38,975 ...wepressing wadicals wigorously on a wegular basis for the west of my life. 1062 01:25:40,435 --> 01:25:43,229 l didn't want to attend a 40th-anniversary concert... 1063 01:25:43,438 --> 01:25:47,150 ...at the Royal Albert Hall. No, no, no. No. 1064 01:25:47,984 --> 01:25:49,402 l wanted to be... 1065 01:25:53,406 --> 01:25:54,908 ...a lumberjack! 1066 01:26:03,750 --> 01:26:05,043 Leaping from tree to tree... 1067 01:26:05,251 --> 01:26:08,004 ...as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. 1068 01:26:08,213 --> 01:26:09,297 The giant redwood. 1069 01:26:09,923 --> 01:26:11,675 The larch. The fir. 1070 01:26:11,883 --> 01:26:13,760 The mighty Scots pine. 1071 01:26:14,386 --> 01:26:16,346 The lofty flowering cherry. 1072 01:26:16,888 --> 01:26:18,932 The plucky little aspen. 1073 01:26:19,557 --> 01:26:22,269 The limping Nigerian rude tree. 1074 01:26:22,477 --> 01:26:24,896 The great wattle of Aldershot. 1075 01:26:25,939 --> 01:26:28,400 The Maidenhead weeping water plant. 1076 01:26:29,317 --> 01:26:32,195 The naughty flashing oak of Leicestershire. 1077 01:26:32,737 --> 01:26:35,949 The flatulent elm of West Ruislip. 1078 01:26:36,283 --> 01:26:40,412 The Quercus Maximus Bambergascoignus. 1079 01:26:40,870 --> 01:26:43,623 With my best girl by my side! 1080 01:26:49,588 --> 01:26:53,633 We'd sing! Sing! Sing! 1081 01:26:53,967 --> 01:26:57,137 Oh, l'm a lumberjack, and l'm okay 1082 01:26:57,387 --> 01:26:59,764 l sleep all night and l work all day 1083 01:27:00,181 --> 01:27:02,475 He's a lumberjack, and he's okay 1084 01:27:02,684 --> 01:27:05,061 He sleeps all night And he works all day 1085 01:27:05,270 --> 01:27:07,439 l cut down trees l eat my lunch 1086 01:27:07,647 --> 01:27:09,774 l go to the lavatory 1087 01:27:10,066 --> 01:27:12,277 On Wednesdays l go shoppin' 1088 01:27:12,485 --> 01:27:14,988 And have buttered scones for tea 1089 01:27:15,864 --> 01:27:17,991 He cuts down trees He eats his lunch 1090 01:27:18,199 --> 01:27:20,619 He goes to the lavatory 1091 01:27:20,827 --> 01:27:22,996 On Wednesdays he goes shoppin' 1092 01:27:23,204 --> 01:27:26,333 And has buttered scones for tea 1093 01:27:26,541 --> 01:27:28,752 He's a lumberjack, and he's okay 1094 01:27:28,960 --> 01:27:31,421 He sleeps all night And he works all day 1095 01:27:31,630 --> 01:27:34,049 l cut down trees l skip and jump 1096 01:27:34,257 --> 01:27:36,509 l like to press wildflowers 1097 01:27:36,760 --> 01:27:39,262 l put on women's clothing 1098 01:27:39,471 --> 01:27:42,182 And hang around in bars 1099 01:27:42,724 --> 01:27:45,143 He cuts down trees He skips and jumps 1100 01:27:45,352 --> 01:27:47,395 He likes to press wildflowers 1101 01:27:47,604 --> 01:27:50,190 He puts on women's clothing 1102 01:27:50,398 --> 01:27:53,485 And hangs around in bars? 1103 01:27:54,110 --> 01:27:56,530 -He's a lumberjack, and he's okay -And l'm okay 1104 01:27:56,738 --> 01:27:59,199 -He sleeps all night and he works all day -l sleep all night and l work all day 1105 01:27:59,407 --> 01:28:00,534 l cut down trees 1106 01:28:00,742 --> 01:28:04,621 l wear high heels Suspendies and a bra 1107 01:28:04,829 --> 01:28:06,998 l wish l'd been a girlie 1108 01:28:07,207 --> 01:28:10,043 Just like my dear papa 1109 01:28:10,252 --> 01:28:11,294 -Hey! -He cuts down trees 1110 01:28:11,503 --> 01:28:15,715 He wears high heels Suspenders and a bra?! 1111 01:28:22,264 --> 01:28:24,724 -He's a lumberjack, and he's okay -l'm a lumberjack, and l'm okay 1112 01:28:24,933 --> 01:28:27,727 -He sleeps all night and he works all day -l sleep all night and l work all day 1113 01:28:27,936 --> 01:28:34,985 He's a lumberjack and he's okay 1114 01:28:35,193 --> 01:28:40,073 Oh, Bevis, l thought you were so rugged! 1115 01:28:41,032 --> 01:28:43,076 He sleeps all night And he works all day